Think In Pink Tink!

Life is a Journey

2012-02-04T13:40:00.000-08:00

Its been forever and a day since I last posted and I'm beginning to think this blog is full of way too much emotion, but considering the new journey I have embarked upon then I know only too well much more emotion is to come.(Warning! Warning!) But really, emotion isn't always bad, it isn't always overwhelming or heartwrenching; emotion can be full of happiness, joy, and peace. Peace is something I've learned a lot about since my last post. Grieving my mother was a lot more intense than I ever anticipated, not for any reasons of guilt or bitterness or desire to hold on to her longer on my end, but because I had not ever really understood just how much a part of my personage she was. By that, I mean I relied on her approval, like any child does of their parent, but with an intenseness even I didn't see. She was my advisor, my phone chat buddy, my best friend, one whom I trusted completely. Even though I am adult and was one even when my mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 2003, I had not ever stepped away from the protection my parents provided from simply being parents, to spread my own wings and learn to fly. Oh, I had dreams; I still do. My dreams were intense, wild, and free, but I wasn't so much. Since December of 2010 when my mother passed on into heaven's gates, I've learned a little bit more of how I don't have to depend on someone else to be me, that I can be me, every single part of me, even the parts I'm just getting to know, without hanging on to what is past and what is gone. In April of last year I was knocked out of the nest in a way I didn't forsee and had to spread my wings to fly or crash. I almost crashed. But not quite, because God was there with me and lifted me on wings like eagles so that I could soar above all that was going on in my life. Since then I've hit some pretty awful winds, some full of adversity and days so bleak I felt betrayed by those who I felt were supposed to love me unconditionally, without malice, or resentment. Regardless of those moments, the ones that have come more often have also been shaping me into who I am, the person I was meant to be all along, and those moments have been happy and full of joy, those moments have brought me closer to God, they have brought me closer to family, to friends I had drifted away from in the turmoils of life. In the midst of all that came my way, I found peace. I didn't hunt after it, I didn't search night and day for it; rather I searched out God to heal my heart, to heal the wounds that festered, to become closer to Him because obviously the way I had been doing it for years was not really working and I needed to understand the new me that was birthed from the flames of grief. Only when I got as snuggled into Him as I could, by reading voraciously in my Bible like a thirsty, dehydrated person; by listening to songs that filled me with good things; by grabbing hold with my spirit that which was pure and blameless, only then did I find I was no longer huddled in a prostrate mass, afraid to trust for betrayal, afraid to speak for rebbutal, afraid to make choices for failure, afraid to stand for falling. I have finally experienced what it means to have the peace that surpasses all understanding or intelect. Its not explainable, it isn't something you buy at the grocery store, it isn't an app to download; its a benefit of trust, of placing all of my control, all of my fears, all of my insecurities at God's feet and letting Him have control, letting Him set me free, letting Him strengthen me. After all, God already knows all that has and will come my way, so with Him in the lead I'll be just fine.

Hiatus from blogdom

2011-03-26T19:40:00.000-07:00

A good many of my not so many readers know what all has transpired since my last post in September, but I've not written about it. I think my head didn't know what exactly was going on in my heart and how to express it in written form. But now that it has been six months since that post, I might be ready. Maybe...
On December 28th, 2010, three months after my mother's final diagnosis, she entered heaven. I think of our last trip together and how much fun we had; I think of how my mother loved the beach, but I loved the mountains. I would go to her favorite place just to watch her with my children, to watch my children with her and spend valuable time with my family. Yet, truth be told, I'm not looking forward to the beach this year. I guess because what I will see is this:

where I wish, in that selfish part of me, she was sitting. Where I wish I could walk up to her and chat about the day or tell her what the kids were doing or tell her about the latest things going on with us. I look at this picture and remember when I took it, somehow knowing that picture would have profound impact on me. That place will never be the same to me for I will forever see the thousands of memories beside me there.
That may seem very dreary and sad to some, but that is grief. I've honestly had a hard time with grief in ways I never expected to. It has been difficult to express my feelings or even understand them myself.
See, the dynamics of my family were put to the test during my mother's last months. It was taxing on everyone involved, but some of it drove wedges between some of my family members and there was nothing to do to stop it. We watched my mother drift into a state she proclaimed for years she never wanted to reach. Yet, too much was keeping her here. I'm not the one to judge just what, but it was hard to watch nonetheless. We also live a good ways away and having income limitations kept our trips down to few, so I wasn't able to be there every moment.
At the beginning of December, my mother lost her memory. I don't mean she didn't know what a pen was, I mean she didn't know who she was. She didn't know me, she didn't know my children, her own husband, etc. Her physical capabilities just about completely left. It was heartbreaking, heartwrenching, and gutwrenching to hear my own mother ask me who I was. I mean I've seen it in movies, I've had to remind a great-grandmother who I was, but not the woman who gave birth to me and fed me and raised me! And I was at a loss as to what to do for her. She was frustrated and angry and mad and a different person. Even her laugh was different.
It was so hard to explain to my children, why their grandmother didn't know them or didn't get their knock knock jokes anymore, or didn't understand what she was supposed to do with the spoon. I couldn't even understand it, much less explain it.
My mother adored my children, and she was their best play buddy. Even just months before her death she loved spending time with them.

I am trying to move on. Obviously life has whether I have or not. I've come to understand how grief can change you. People kept telling me not to hold it in, not to prevent myself from crying, not to hold back. However, when I tried to find that part to let it go, I couldn't find where it went. I dealt with so much grief in watching her go. I said quite often that I started grieving 9 months before the Dr. said there was no more treatment available. Maybe there was no more to find, but nonetheless it has changed me. I'm quieter now, my husband has to prod me into revealing my feelings. I like more alone time, especially destressing time, which my husband has been wonderful in trying to provide often. I guess I'm more staid now, probably because in a certain aspect of my life my brain thinks I'm living a parallel universe, a paradoxy, a twilight zone if you will. And, since its not real it won't have any honest effect on me and I will wake up soon to find it is all like it was in the summer of last year. That is denial, yes, I know. But apparently comforting, too.
My mother was my best friend, my mentor, a mediator between my dad and I, a play buddy to my children, a confidant, and we could talk about just about anything. I'm so very thankful for all of the wonderful friends I have in this world, many my friends since we were teenagers. I have vented and ranted and raved to them and they understand me. One friend has even walked this exact path before me. I have great advice givers and listeners of my troubles, for which I am truly thankful. Above all, they are helping me to come to terms with the new me, explore my grief, acknowledge it, develop into a stronger more resilient woman, and find ways to keep the memories of my mother and I alive. You will never meet another woman as strong, as much of a fighter, as much of a friend as my mom.

2010-09-06T17:40:00.000-07:00

Even in the beginnings of death there are miracles.
Our Father is the most prolific Artist with well executed brush strokes and every color in existence on his palate. He is constantly shaping, molding, creating, and using that which we have even cast aside as broken, as worthless, as hopeless. However with Him, nothing is missing, nothing is broken, nothing is worthless, and there is always hope.
It may be a word of reassurance, it may be a stranger's smile, it might be a gift unexpected, or a life prolonged even when modern medicine said there is no way for life to be sustained.
Many of you know the state of my mother's health and how she has had stage 4 breast cancer, diagnosed in 2003, which metastasized to her bone marrow. Her doctor estimated (though he did not tell her this until this past year) she would only live maybe eight months from her complete mastectomy, removing her left breast and lymph nodes.
On August 28th, her doctor, a wonderful hematologist/oncologist, told her he estimated with the rate of cell growth the cancer had made and the rate at which she has had to have units of blood because her body is no longer producing them, that she has about four to six weeks left medically speaking. One week has already passed since that day, so now it would be five to three weeks, but God is not limited by time.
After the doctor's diagnosis, which was not a complete shock, my parents decided for one last trip to the beach with us kids and grandkids before Mother became too ill to go to her favorite place on this earth. So two days later we came to the beach, where we are now spending our last night before returning home.
I would love to tell every little thing that God has done for us on this trip but there is so, so much that I don't think all of it would fit into one post that wouldn't keep my reader up for hours upon hours.
The first step was being able to come at all, but then getting a condo over Labor day weekend that fit my parents, my family of four, my grandfather, and my uncle. Then my sister and brother-in-law rented a condo in the same building for them and their two children as well as his mother and his father, who has been out on hospice and also been told he only has a short time to live. My children rode down with my parents, and Tim and I came down in our own vehicle. By the time we arrived Wednesday evening, I'd been told my aunt, her boyfriend, and my two cousins with their wives and children would be staying at another condo and going to the beach with us.
All of the sudden what was a spur of the moment thing ended up surrounding my Mother with almost all of her family for this very special week. What better place to make memories, have fun together in the pool and on the sand, to reminisce about trips past, and talk of what is to come.
There is a revival going on in Mobile, which my parents have gone to now three times. A lady there had gone through cancer herself and she gave my mother this verse that God had given her and it speaks so well of what state my mother is in now, "We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. ⁹Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. ¹⁰He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us," 2Corinthians 1:9-10

Adding a Little Flair

2010-05-21T18:38:00.000-07:00

I had a very good friend bless me with some clothes recently. I took this opportunity to experiment with embellishing and adding flair to the times to make them be as unique as me! Yes, I choose the word "unique", its a tink life afterall!
Anyhoo, the cut of shirt was already perfect. It fit me well, and even though I love black I am consciously trying to add some color to my wardrobe. All the browns and blacks and pinks need a little more vibe!
So, I took a package of Wrights hem lace in teal and did this:

I already had the perfect necklace, earrings, and bracelet and even eyeshadow, so it must have been meant to be! Now I just need the shoes, too.

Here is a closer view of the bodice. The area of the lapels had gunmetal rivets glued on and some had come off, so I pulled the rest off and covered the glue marks with the hem tape pleated every 1". Then I angled the lace while still pleating it every 1" and sewed the lace down with a tiny black zigzag stitch. With the two strips left at the very end, I cinched and gathered making the rosette which I tacked at the joining of the wrap style bodice.

The black peeping through is a camisole, not my bra, just in case you were wondering. What can I say, I have bad posture!

There was a band under the bust, so I covered it with a row of 1" pleats, sewn again with a tiny black zigzag stitch through the open work of the lace. I sewed 3/8" from the edge to give the pleats a ruffled look.

I love makeovers that cost nothing! Thank you my dear friend for gifting me with this shirt, it is so very comfortable.

How Clean Is It Really?

2010-05-20T19:56:00.001-07:00

You know how when we or our children take baths, our dead skin cells slough off and over time leave this wonderful residue behind?

As a child I remember wondering why bathtubs and towels became dirty if we were clean or became clean while using them. And I even completely understood Danny Tanner on Full House cleaning his vacuum and other cleaning utensils.
which is saying something, because his character really got on my nerves!

Nonetheless, I never thought about how nasty dirty the inside of a washing machine could be. Its not like I stick my head in it too often for an inspection. I'm not quite that OCD (there may be a thin line, but I won't point at it if you won't). I'm even blessed with a wonderful washer, a fisher & paykel ecosmart gw11.
It does so many things for me and is so easy to use that I was ecstatic on a past vacation at the beach to discover the condo had the same washer (yes, I know the OCD line is there, stop pointing already! sheesh!).

My husband does industrial electric work through a union and has had many a filthy location to work in, but this past February he began working in a steel plant. My dad even worked there for a little while when I was kid. And the only thing to say about the place is NASTY! Like all over nasty; nasty on his boots, nasty on his fire retardant clothing (apparently a must when you work near kilns larger than a Hummer), nasty on his neck, nasty on his face in a very artistic capacity, considering the safety glasses, hard hat and filtered mask he wears. So, as I said, nasty!
Of course these clothes he wears-socks, pants (thermals in the winter),underoos, tshirt, and snap button jacket-must all be washed. At first, I just couldn't seem to get his clothes clean and they, of course, smelled. Not that earthy, musky, "you turn me on" male scent either. The smell goes along with the list of nasty.
Grease Lightening became my friend for getting his clothes clean, but alas, to my horror, I discovered that the NASTY was leaving its stain behind in my washer. (Ok! now you can point out the OCD line has been crossed! I admit it, I'm compullsive!)
I tried the Tide washing machine cleaner, but it didn't do the job to get rid of the NASTY.

Here is a cutaway shot of my washing machine. This machine is different from the others I've had, in that you take off the top cap and pour the laundry soap/and Clorox down the center tube. Then you pour the fabric softener in the top cap that comes apart into two pieces. I was shocked at all the places the nasty grime had left its mark, as illustrated in the picture.

So necessity being the mother of all invention, I went back to my Old Reliable, Distilled White Vinegar.

with the help of a little friend that helps us get the grime out of fingernails after working at the steel mill, or in my case working in the garden.

There was no rocket science or even vast amounts of elbow grease to rid my washer of the NASTY. Matter of fact, its taken me twice as long to write this post as it did to clean the washing machine (my excuse being pics of Bab Saget are hard to come by)!
I simply poured distilled white vinegar into the laundry soap resevoir and in the bottom of the tub. Then I set the washer on a cycle of heavy duty and a soak with the highest level of hot water. I paused the cycle before it went into rinse mode and let it sit a while longer. After about 30 minutes, I opened the lid, took the fingernail brush and an old toothbrush to the areas of grime, including the two pieces that make up the fabric softener resevoir. Within ten minutes all the grime had been scrubbed away just like the dead skin cells left behind in the bathtub. When I was done, I simply let the washer complete the cycle and it is now as clean as the day I first used it! Take that NASTY!

How do you say goodbye?

2010-05-11T21:02:00.001-07:00

I know most girls and women have to/had to say goodbye to their mothers at some point. Whether it be a sudden stroke, a car accident, a rampant illness, or the long process of diseases like alzheimer's, heart disease, and cancer. Most involve extraordinary pain and suffering physically and mentally. You wish your mom relief, pray for healing, and hope her strength lasts another day. Yet, you know, just as I know now, that goodbye does come. It comes shrouded in grief, horrific in stench, and black in form, robbing wherever it roams. The question is how do you make use of the golden moments alloted before death comes and your beloved life giving mother is seperated from you by the barrier between earth and heaven?

Death may have no sting but it is cruel. Seemingly more so, when it waits languidly in the shadows and you've no inkling as to when it will eventually strike.

Though I know when my mother does leave this earth, free of the monstrous cancer that has ravaged her body for over seven years, there are two things death can not take from me, too. Her love for me, her daughter, and the memories of her love.

Gardening Apron Tutorial

2010-04-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

Its that wonderful time of year! Spring is here, complete with flowers, pollen, and at the moment: rain. I love to garden and have a separate blog for that here
We are doing a lot of planting this year, trying to eventually create a cottage style garden with separate "rooms". Unfortunately for me, however, all of my gardening clothes have no pockets for my cell phone, keys to the shed, gloves, tissue (blasted allergies!), etc. So, I came up with the God idea (cause it sure wasn't my own!) to make a garden apron for all those things and then some.
WARNING: the following might seem like a long and detailed tutorial, but rather it is my inability to describe anything in few words or pictures. If I were telling you this, even over the phone, I would also include multiple hand gestures, so feel blessed to not have that to deal with as well! lol
Now, as I've mentioned before, I'm an interior design grad who loves to draw. So, as before most any sewing project, I draw out what my plan is.

For all my OCD tendencies, it was all I could do to restrain myself from making this a colored illustration! lol

Now, here are the materials I used for my project:
a linen valance 59" long by 24" wide. had two upper casings for curtain rods, and a lower casing as the hem. cost= $1.98 at the thrift store six years ago. Come on, at least I'm finally using it, Mother!

iron on interfacing (about 1/8 of a package)
coordinating fabric of my your choice
(I used a linen napkin from a pair I bought on sale for a dollar a year ago 20"w x 19 1/2"l)
one package of double fold bias quilt tape
coordinating thread
elastic approx. 1/4"-1/2"w cut into two strips about 2" long
and about two hours total (of course these two hours spread out over several days)

For my own color coordination, I chose these colors.

The first thing I had to do was remove the stitching of the two top casings with my seam ripper. I decided to leave the bottom casing and use that as the top of my apron.

This is a convenient method I've found to ripping out stubborn seams. Simply hold your forefinger under the seam, spreading it slightly apart. Then use the seam ripper to run across all the stitches exposed. It cuts out a lot of time when you have reinforced seams to rip out

Once I had ripped out all the seams I had this nice little ball of fluff. That was enough to entertain my children for a little while!

Then I folded the fabric in half lengthwise, giving me a measurement of 29 1/2" long. For me, this is a perfect length to wrap around from back of hip to back of hip, ~~since I have a waist measurement of 36" (omg when did that happen?!)~~ which is a comfortable span and provides maximum space for pockets.

After I had the seams ripped out of the main fabric, I made the first cuts in the napkin. I ended up with 4 strips 5"w x 19 1/2"l

I took the first strip, which already had seams on three sides, and after pressing under the raw end, I stitched it to the top portion with a zigzag stitch.

I chose to use a yellow thread in coordination with the yellow binding.

Taking one of the strips, I cut the length (length=19 1/2") in half (2 pieces=9 3/4"), then cut both of those pieces into halves, giving me four pieces (length=4 7/8"). I pressed two of the pieces with iron on interfacing. Next, I placed the interfaced pieces right sides together with the pieces without interfacing. Then, turning it right side out, I pressed the pieces and pinned them on either side of the front panel.

After sewing three sides with a zigzag stitch (and bar-tacking the four corners) I have two pockets on either side of the front panel that are approx. 4" deep. My family should be proud of my math, since it is one of my least favorite things of God's creation! lol

For my next step, I stitched the yellow double fold tape onto the bottom end of my apron with a straight stitch.

Here is the detail of the two rows of straight stitches. You could always use a double needle, but by the time I found my double needle I could've already sewn the two rows with a single needle!
Note to self: reorganize sewing supplies better!

For acurate instructions go to the ****** then return to this step.

After sewing on the binding and pressing, I folded the bottom edge up to barely cover the bottom of the front panel and two pockets in the coordinating pattern. Once I got it in the position I wanted, I ended up with a pocket depth of 8".

This is what it looked like at that point.

I then pinned the sides of the apron, and using a hem guide and a blue tailor's chalk I marked increments for more pockets. The two outer pockets I marked to be 5" wide.

Using the cardboard the quilt binding had come on, I marked the line out for the pockets. A LITTLE hint here is to not mark dark lines. I did it with the intent purpose of the lines showing up on camera, and had a bit of time and effort spent on removing lines after the fact. Just sayin'

To find the dividing line for the two inner pockets, I folded the apron in half and slid the tailor's chalk down the edge. Easiest way, instead of measuring and remeasuring. Especially if it gets me out of doing any more math!

The next step was to sew the lines. I used a straight stitch down the marked lines, but knowing these pockets would receive a lot of wear and tear, I reinforced the seams by using a decorative honeycomb stitch on each side of the straight stitch. Better safe than sorry!

Now most importantly to me was to have a pocket for my cell phone. It does so much more for me than just connect me voice to voice with people! It has a calculator (which I so need!), a clock, the date, texting, pictures for the garden, etc. So I measured my cell phone and cut out a length twice as long as I needed. Then I sewed a strip of elastic within the seam allowance with a zigzag stitch.

Sewing right sides together, turning right side out, pressing with a hot iron and sewing three sides to the farthest pocket, I had my desire. A pocket my cell phone won't fall out of and won't take me three minutes to dig the phone out only to answer a missed call!

Determined to make the most of this apron, I took a strip of binding and forming a loop, sewed it to one side of the apron. This will be easy to push my garden gloves through when I need to take them off for those delicate things you can never grasp with gloves on.

On the other side I wanted a loop with elastic in it to hold my hand trowel, handheld shovel, etc. I took a piece of coordinating fabric that was twice the width of what I wanted; folding it in half I stitched the long side with a straight stitch, leaving both ends open. Turning it right sides out, I ran a length of elastic through the middle. Normally, when doing dresses for M&M I don't actually sew in the elastic but tack it into the seam at each end. I decided to do it a little differently this time and sewed in the elastic before pressing under the end seams and sewing it to the apron.

Here's a little bit better view:

****** Now, here is where I make my confession: I screwed up! It somehow always happens that no matter how much sewing experience I have (going on 15 years) I mess up somewhere that should've been a no brainer. My royal goof up this time related to the fact that technically you should sew the outer pockets on first, before folding the apron material in half and sewing the seams to create the four large pockets. But since I didn't, I spent a lovely thirty minutes pushing and maneuvering and grunting at my machine and the fabric.

On to happier moments: I decided I wanted a double pocket on one of the inner pockets. So, I ironed on interfacing to one piece and put the matching side right face to it and sewed them together, leaving a small part to turn the material right side out. After pressing and sewing the outer seams of the pocket, I pinned where I wanted the inner seam to be.

Voila!!

To give my pockets more width and keep them from being flat and tight, I simply scrunched the bottom end and made two pleats. This gives the pocket shape and you more room!

I did the same thing with the double pocket on the outside of the inner pocket.

My next step was to add the ties to each top end of my apron. I thought about doing more of a buckle style, and later I might convert it to that, but for now simply tying the apron on will suit me just fine.

If you've ever sewn on bias tape, you know how the ends can bunch and squirm like an unruly child when you are sewing near the end. You so want to have even, perfectly matching ends, but one side decides to rebel and you are left with crosseyed corners. Well, here's another LITLE tip: unfold the bias tape halfway. Using your scissors, snip the corners into angles like so.

Then finger press the end over just to where the angled cut ends.

Simply press with your iron and Presto! You have perfect corners!

Thus, I had two strips of bias tape pressed for my ties. I ran a quick straight stitch over the three ends (to keep the bias tape closed) and pinned it to the corner of my apron.

After sewing on the ties, I was officially DONE!!!!!!!!! Yahoo!

Here's a shot of the drawing and the finished product. Not too bad, huh?!

And, I ended up with a surprising feature to my God's inventive idea. By rolling up the apron and pulling a tie through the elastic tab, I have a convenient way to store my apron when not in use.

With my project finally done, I turned around to see what my little quiet helper(M&M) had been doing while her brother was taking a nap. I was pleasantly surprised with her creation. Then I was regaled with stories of each colored head pin and their roles as dwellers in a castle, complete with prince, princess, queen, and king all living on the flower pincushion. I think she had more fun than I did!

If you want to see the tutorial on making a flower shaped pincushion go to
www.atinklife.blogspot.com/2010/03/flower-pincushion-w-tutorial.com

P.S.- For some reason, no matter how many times I've tried, I can't get the address to the tutorial to link in any of the variety of ways. So, unfortunately you will have to copy and paste the address.

Update on the Homemade Laundry Detergent

2010-04-17T07:23:00.000-07:00

So back in April of 2009 I posted about making laundry detergent http://http://atinklife.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-make-your-own-laundry-detergent.html .
I estimated it would take me about a year to use all of the soap. Well it here it is April again and I just made another batch! This time was a whole lot easier, too, because I knew the steps to take. I also didn't have the volcano effect I created the first time! lol
Anyhoo, we've saved loads on the laundry detergent, making our own. I even had the wonderful help of my MIL this time. I let the soap shards melt/cook in the pot of water longer this time. I'm using Octagon soap which is greenish in color and smells wonderful! After it had melted into the hot water, it looked like pea soup! Not that I'd want to eat either, yuck!
So now, I'm enjoying my 24 hours of not washing any clothes, until the laundry detergent sets up.
One sidenote is that I'm no longer using just vinegar for the fabric softener. I found some of the Downy creme' pleasures on sale and with a coupon I paid only about 50 cents. I got the Almond Creme' and love it! Then last week I found the matching dryer sheets on clearance at walmart and with more coupons, I paid 75 cents for it!
I do still use the vinegar in my husband's work clothes. But now that he's working in a very nasty, greasy steel plant we have to use Grease Lightening in the wash to get out the nasty grease. Also had to invest in one of the new Tide products for washing out your washing machine (oxymoran right?!) to get the grease off the bowl and agitator.
Nevertheless, I love my homemade detergent and plan to continue making it!

Flower Pincushion w/ Tutorial

2010-03-25T19:46:00.001-07:00

Want to make a pincushion?! They are so easy to do, require few steps and most importantly: very little time! You can make one easily in an hour, or spread the steps out and make a leisurely weekend project out of it.

Materials Needed
two large felt circles in whatever color you choose
two smaller felt circles in contrasting color
one small felt circle in same as larger circles or in another contrasting color
long sewing needle
thread the same color as two smaller circles or whatever color you choose (you can use embroidery floss here, I just didn't have any the right color)
scissors
polyester batting
uncooked rice (yes, rice!)

Your circles should look something like this

Next, sew the two larger circles together and the two smaller circles together, leaving about 1" open. You can use whatever stitch is easiest for you. The first one I did, I used a V stitch. Here I used only a simple running stitch with a single thread.

Stuff with polyester batting. Don't stuff it too full, though. Next add a small amount of uncooked rice to each side of the batting. This gives weight and shape to the pincushion as well as being somewhat of a sharpener for your needles.

Your circles will then look something like this

Next, anchor a long length of thread on one side of the larger circle. Push the needle through the center of the circle. Then wrap thread around the circle, while pulling tension, and thread back through the center. Don't use the same hole every time, otherwise the felt will weaken and possibly tear. For each section, wrap the thread around a few times to secure the "petal". You can choose the number of petals you want. I ended up with six on the larger circle.

Repeat the same process for the smaller circle. This one ended up with only five petals. It doesn't matter as long as it looks nice to you. You're almost done! Next take the smallest circle and simple tack it onto the middle of the smallest flower. I tacked each fifth line of the petals and then three times in the center to sink the circle down into the flower. Just those three stitches adds dimension and makes it look unlike a "handmade" item so many people sneer at.

After your smallest flower is done, use a long needle and from the underneath side of the largest circle/flower push through both layers. In a similar fashion to the center of the small circle/flower, tack the two together. I once again tacked at each end and a few times in the center. Then knot the thread on the underneath side and you are done!

Finished Product!:

Paper Pot Tutorial

2010-03-25T11:16:00.001-07:00

Its GARDENING TIME! Yahooooo!!!!
So this year, I've actually managed to start on time to grow from seed, even the things that need transplanting. However, I didn't want to spend a fortune on pots, especially since I prefer the kind that decompose. When I heard about Paper Pots, I was intrigued, did a little homework, and took an hour out of my day for both kids and I to make Paper Pots. Below are the instructions in picture form. Enjoy!!!

And PLANT THOSE SEEDS!

A Quiz and a Chance to Win

2010-03-23T11:24:00.000-07:00

A friend posted this on her blog http://adashofparsley.blogspot.com/2010/03/fun-quiz-and-giveaway.html Thanks Andrea!

If you go to this site, http://www.mydesignguide.com/ can fill out a short quiz that tells you what your decorating style is. The site also offers design services, and as a designer myself, I found the site to be simple and informative for the person using it. No jargon you can't understand or principles that apply to only kind of lifestyle/decorating style. It also allows you to store your ideas and present decorating problems for professional help.

After you fill out the quiz, go to Traci's site http://beneathmyheart.blogspot.com/2010/03/fun-new-giveaways-250-total-value.html#comment-form and you can win a $50 gift card to My Design Guide!

Hope you enjoy!

Ovelene, my dearest Ovelene

2010-03-15T16:59:00.000-07:00

Ovelene, my dearest Ovelene,

Ovelene, about age 18

Every time you have the chance to see
these faces looking back at thee
Remember not the times of sorrow
Nor the feelings of regret
Instead see the seed you've sown
In the garden of our hearts
They slowly rise up from the ground
Encouraged by the words you spake
Our flowers did emerge their heads
Nourished by the love you fed
The petals of our heart did unfurl
Showing beauty to this world
All because you chose to sow
In us the seed of love
February 2006
Ovelene (Aah-vah-leen) White Parrish
02/15/32-09/07/07

I came across this today, and totally had forgotten about it. I wrote this for my grandmother's birthday present in 2006, a collage of photos of each person in her immediate family. This verse now means so much more to me, because, though I didn't at one time, I truly do believe that those who've gone on before us truly do look upon us from heaven.
My grandmother was a very special person in my life. She taught me so many things: how to always keep your hands busy, a home cooked meal is priceless but so is a break from the kitchen, the love of flowers, of handmade items, of history, and most importantly love and belief in our Lord Jesus. She was the second child in a family of eleven, one of only three girls. She eloped to Mississippi with my PaPaw in 1952, fifty years before my own wedding. She had three boys, each three years apart. She saw all three of her grandchildren marry within six months of each other. She also saw the first two of her now five great grandchildren born. She spent three precious months with the second one, my own JJ, before she went to heaven after seven long years battling cancer.
She opened the world of reading to me with the help of my mother. She loved me, believed in me, taught me, shared with me things that shaped me and made me who I am today. I'll never forget the time she told me at the tender age of 16, to apply perfume on the throat, behind the ears and anywhere else you wanted your man to search for and kiss. Trust me, this advice was quite sound! lol
I take it as a compliment when people say I'm just like her, whether or not if they meant it as one. I miss her everyday, I long for our long talks, I wish I could have see the glow in her eyes if she could see all of her family now, especially four great granddaughters surrounding only one great grandson as of now. I like to think I'm at least a little bit like her, even if it is just her stubbornness I inherited!

Myself at about age 18

The Boots Who Humbled Me...

2010-03-02T14:14:00.000-08:00

You know how God shows up when you least expect it? And, very rarely is it at the moment we are at our best: makeup perfect, fresh from the hair salon, perfect mani/pedi, not a crease or wrinkle; the moment when we are doing everything exactly right with grace and aplomb. Usually the moment is when we are at our lowest point, wallowing in the pity of our test or trial, or bristling at the undignified position we find ourselves. And, God always seems to come with a magnifying glass that shows us as we truly are: selfish, jealous, envious, ungracious, and full of flaws.

God came to me in one of those moments yesterday. My makeup wasn't perfect, my hair most assuredly wasn't, and my clothes well worn after a busy day of being a mom. I was tired, I was testy, I was cranky, I was definitely not walking in love.

The worst part was that the mountain of cares, burdens, me's, and my's, and I's were topped with my husband having the actual audacity to ask me to do something well beneath my station as miss prim and perfect! He asked, after a long day at work in a filthy, nasty steel plant to take the special work boots a man had lent him, until Tim had the money to buy a pair for himself, and clean them before Tim returned them to the man he had borrowed from.

Now you have to picture these boots and the conditions they had been subjected to. A steel plant is not the cleanest place; its full of black soot, dirt, grime, and anything else associated with dirtiness. And these Wolverine boots had not been new to begin with, so the short period Tim wore them had only added to the gloriousness of their well worn state. The soles were white where they should've been dark brown, the leather was black where it should've been brown, brown where it should've been black, scuffed, and much like our lives before Christ's blood cleaned all the grime and sin away with his tedious offering of blood, sweat, pain and time.

I didn't want to clean these boots. I wanted to have some time to myself after getting the kids to bed, the dishes washed, supper cleaned up, the dog fed, and all those other cares set aside. I, I, I wanted for me. But, I grumbled a reply to my husband's request that I would try to clean them. We all know what that implied.

Yet, when I was finally alone for me, me, me time, I found those boots facing me. They proclaimed loudly to me the state of their dirtiness, their borrowed state, and the time it would take to clean them. However, in the time I have known my husband there is something he has adamantly taught me by words and example: you never return something you've borrowed in a worse state than it was when you borrowed it in the first place.

So, I got out my supplies and took those boots into my lap, begrudgingly at first. Then I saw how tattered and torn and worn I was at the feet of my Lord. I wasn't fit to be used as a vessel for Him, but He took me and He washed me, He mended me, He restored me. I knew what God wanted of me, He wanted me to lower myself below my pride and clean those boots. Those boots which did not belong to me, but to a man I had never met, and probably never will. He not only wanted me to clean them, but He wanted me to make them look better than they did when Tim borrowed them in the first place.

Immediately before my eyes, I could see these words I had not seen in a while and couldn't even place in book or chapter,

42The Lord answered, "Who then is the faithful and wise manager, whom the master puts in charge of his servants to give them their food allowance at the proper time? 43It will be good for that servant whom the master finds doing so when he returns. 44I tell you the truth, he will put him in charge of all his possessions. 45But suppose the servant says to himself, 'My master is taking a long time in coming,'... 46The master of that servant will come on a day when he does not expect him and at an hour he is not aware of...

47"That servant who knows his master's will and does not get ready or does not do what his master wants will be beaten with many blows... From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." Luke 12:42-48

I not only cleaned those boots, but I took leather repair and conditioned that leather like it was a parched and thirsty child, needful of sustenance. I buffed those boots, I rinsed the dirt from the soles, I shined them until the leather was a color it had never been. All the while, God ministered to my heart and of course my pride, like a vessel on a potter's wheel, He molded and shaped, and repaired my soul and spirit like a tender and loving Father. He showed me the blessing of being humble and not rising to a selfish pride when after all we were the borrower and not the lender.

Unbidden came a verse I did not previously recall, and it indeed was a refining fire,

41 She bowed down with her face to the ground and said, "Here is your maidservant, ready to serve you and wash the feet of my master's servants." 1 Samuel 25:41

I don't know if the man appreciated the result of my task, or if even noticed the difference when Tim returned them to him last night, but I certainly noticed the difference not only on just the boots who humbled me, but upon my own heart as well.

Baring My Soul

2010-02-17T19:46:00.000-08:00

This is more for me than for anyone else, but I have so much bubbling around in my spirit right now that I have to give it an outlet.
We are a crossroads in our family right now as to the direction to take career wise. It is a momentous circumstance, one that requires great prayer and supplication, so here I go, baring my soul through Psalm 1-40:

The blessed man meditates on God's law, day and night. Whatever he does prospers. For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous.
To the Lord I cry aloud, and He answers from His holy hill.
Answer me when I call to you, O my righteous God. Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my prayer.
Give ear to my words, O Lord, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for I pray to You. In the morning, O Lord, you hear my voice, in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation.
Lead me, O Lord, in your righteousness...make straight your way before me.
You, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek You.
You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted; you encourage them and you listen to their cry, defending the fatherless and the oppressed, in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thought and every day have sorrow in my hear?...Look on me and answer, O Lord my God. Give light to my eyes...But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.
The Lord restores the fortunes of His people...
Lord, You have assigned me my portion and my cup; You have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the Lord, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the Lord always before me. Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure...You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand.
I call on You, O God, for You will answer me; give ear to me and hear my prayer. Show the wonder of Your great love, You who save by Your right hand...
You still the hunger of those You cherish; their sons have plenty, and they store up wealth for their children.
You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn.
May He give you the desire of your heart and make all your plans succeed...May the Lord grant all your requests.
...You brought me out of the womb; You made me trust in You even at my mother's breast. Form birth I was cast upon You; from my mother's womb You have been my God.
The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want...He guides me in the paths of righteousness for His name's sake.
Do not let me be put to shame...Show me your ways, O Lord, teach me Your paths; guide me in Your Truth and teach me, for You are God my Savior, and my hope is in You all day long.
He guides the humble in what is right and teaches them His way...He will instruct Him in the way chosen for him. He will spend his days in prosperity and his descendants will inherit the land. The Lord confides in those who fear Him; He makes His covenant known to them.
Teach me Your way, O Lord; lead me in a straight path...I am still confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
...weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning.
Into Your hands I commit my spirit.
I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you.
I sought the Lord and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears...The poor man called, and the Lord hear him; He saved him our of all his troubles.
A righteous man may have many troubles, but the Lord delivers him from them all; He protects all his bones, not one of them will be broken.
Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord; trust in Him and He will do this: He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn, the justice of your cause like the noonday sun. Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him.
If the Lord delights in a man's way, He makes his steps firm; though he stumble, he will not fall (be utterly cast down), for the Lord upholds him with His hand.
Wait for the Lord and keep His way.
Yes, I am poor and needy; may the Lord think of me. You are my help and deliverer; O my God, do not delay.

My Darling Dear...

2009-12-20T20:49:00.001-08:00

Just wanted to take a moment to give credit where credit is due, and to ask those that read this to be praying for our family today, Monday, and more specifically for my darling dear husband.

We have known each other for 11 years, were engaged for 2, and have been married for 7. It seems amazing to look back on and realize how long this wonderful man has been a part of my life. I thank God for every day I have with him and I am thankful for every day that I will have to come. His laughter, his antics, his singing, and his smile are some of the things that I love about him.
For those of you who don't know our personal story, let me just say we've been through a lot (my mother says we sound like a soap opera without the adultery) and are about to take one more step in the journey laid out before us.
Just a quick run through:
Tim was born with syndactyly (or webbed fingers), you can read about that more at sycactylypolydactylysupportgroup on yahoo groups. It was regarded as a side effect caused by morning sickness medication my MIL took while pregnant, just as her mother did with her. My MIL was born with the same condition; both of their fingers are deformed and twisted and joined together. But both of them fought through this and learned how to do things that still astound me.

Tim never pitied himself and instead learned to laugh at himself and even love himself, which was one of the greatest things he taught me when we were courting.
We met when I was 15 and newly returned from a two week mission trip to Peru. Long story short there, we fell in love and knew we were "the one" for each other.

Because Tim is 6 years older than I am, and we both did not want to do things the world's way, we decided with the input from my parents and his mom that we would court. We never went anywhere without one of our parents or in a large group of people. The only time we were ever alone was in the car driving to some function or family get together.
Then on my 17th birthday, we went on our first "date" to see Runaway Bride and discover what has become our favorite place to eat on special occassions, Petrucelli's. If you haven't eaten there, you should and make sure you order the cannoli for desert.

A month after my 18th birthday on Friday the 13th with a full moon, Tim asked me to marry him. Of course I accepted and we set our wedding date for the following March.
Then we postponed our wedding and felt we would receive a blessing for doing so at the request of my parents. The day before our original wedding date, Tim lost his job as the company went under.
He found another job with a member of our church and learned his new trade.

We were married in 2002, with my uncle and my father marrying us. It was simply beautiful and exactly what my little girl dreams longed for. I was especially grateful for my uncle being a part of that ceremony and covenant we entered since he has since gone to heaven.
We settled in married life with jobs, college, and my first home. Things were tight but they were good and we enjoyed that honeymoon period. Before we had been married a year, we bought a house and seemed to be moving in the right direction to our goals.

Then the day after our one year anniversary Tim was in a car accident that totaled his work truck and left him bedridden with back pain for two weeks.
Finally we were able to get him back to work and I helped him whenever I had free time from college. Then in October we found out we were expecting our first child which we had planned not to do until four years later. Let's just say birth control isn't too much of an obstacle for God! lol

By the early winter of the next year, we realized the job Tim had wasn't bringing in enough money for us, since it was in the single digits for that year. We were released from the contract Tim was in without having to pay any penalty and we parted ways with his employer on good grounds.

About a week later I was in a rather bad car accident and went into preterm labor at only 28 weeks. I had no broken bones, but I was so beat up I was bedridden for two weeks. During that time Tim had to do everything and it was a blessing he wasn't working.
Then two weeks before M&M was born weighing only 4lbs.9oz., Tim found a job. He stayed there a short while before going on to a heating and air company.

M&M was also born with the same condition as her daddy and grandma, and then we found out all about the condition and how we had a 50% chance of having another child with the same condition and our children could pass it on themselves even if they did not have it. We were astounded and a little horrified our daughter would have to have surgery.

Then the area we lived in became unsafe to us because of two families that caused a lot of trouble in our neighborhood. We planned to sell our house, but when Tim found a gun in our yard we moved out that month.
We sold our house and moved to my MIL's house until my parent's basement could be fixed up since we didn't have enough money to buy another house right away. We also knew M&M would be having surgeries and with my mom having cancer we reckoned it would be better to have each other to lean on during that time of our lives.
We stayed with my MIL for 6 months and I am so thankful for the wonderful and generous MIL I have in her! She is priceless.

Then the day after we had finished completely remodeling her bathroom, Tim had an accident at work and tore his ACL in his left knee.
It took several months for the diagnosis and then that October he had surgery to fix a really bad knee that had three different things wrong with it. Although I can't remember much about it now, sorry!
When we moved to my parents that December Tim was wearing a leg brace that was just about his constant friend.

That following February, M&M had her first surgery. It was hard and trying and something I'm glad we don't have to do again.
Tim was on worker's comp for right at two years, so our daughter didn't really even know anything about her daddy going to work.
Then he was released from that and let go from the place he had worked. We received a settlement on the case and set about planning our future.
It took a long time to find something he could do, since he was impaired with his knee and his hands and not having a college education.

During that time, I went back to work and we made plans for our mothers, who were soon to be retired, to watch our daughter and he return to work as well. M&M had her second surgery that went a bit better than the first one, except for a slight infection she had toward the end.

Then, due to my job being replaced by a computer I had to start looking for work again. We decided to take a break and enjoy our family vacation at the beach. My g'parents, aunts and uncles, cousins, sibling, and niece and nephew, and MIL, and g'mother-IL were all there in one building. A precious time we knew we might not ever have again.
While on this trip we found out we were having JJ and it was quite a surprise to everyone including us. I had a miscarriage exactly a year before, so we had changed our birth control methods to include more than one thing. Yet, here I was pregnant! If that wasn't God then I don't what is.
That messed up all of our plans for me to work fulltime, so we pushed quickly to find Tim a job. It took a long while but he ended up in the electrician's union going through their five year apprenticeship program. (he is now in year 3)

Once again, I went through preterm labor that started at 28 weeks. We were in and out of the hospital so much, the nurses all knew me.
JJ was born five weeks early and when we brought him home he only weighed 4lbs. 1oz.!
When JJ was three weeks old Tim finally began working in the union.
Fast forward through some family members passing away, I think we buried four that year...
Tim was on the jobsite of a courthouse being built and got tangled up in some rebar mesh laying on the ground where it shouldn't have been and he landed on his left knee. The same knee that had been injured before!
We went through him having another time spent at home on worker's comp.

Then that December, our son had surgery to remove extremely swollen adenoids.
Tim did return back to work, and we ended up moving to his childhood home when his mother moved out of it to take care of his ailing gradfather.
In that time, Tim was diagnosed as having type 2 diabetes but was never able to control it or lose any weight that he had put on at the beginning of our marriage.
Then he found out he had arthritus in his hands and that one of the bones was fusing incorrectly to another one, causing him horrible pain. But sadly, there wasn't much that could be done about without extensive surgery.
His knee got better and he returned to work.

During this, he found out he had never been type 2 diabetic and his thyroid was fine.
Then we went through him having to take care of me on a horrible journey of migraines, and numerous discouraging diagnosis about mostly degenerative syndromes. Yet, he took that on just as bravely as he did handling the knowledge of some things that happened to me as a child and young teenager. I couldn't have been more proud of him!
This summer was very hard on him physically as he was working outside in the elements of horrible heat and muddy conditions on the jobsites from all the rain. That kind of construction is very taxing and physically demanding, but he managed to pull through.

He kept mum about his back hurting because of all the stuff I was going through physically as a result of a illness I had as a baby.
Then finally he could stand it no more and went to my doctor seeking answers. The answer she gave him was that he had a bulging disk in his lower back. So she sent him to a neurosurgeon, who said not only did he have a minor bulge in that disk, the bulge was a result of the degeneration of the disk itself giving to the strong pain.
Tomorrow afternoon, he is to undergo his 21st surgical procedure (he had one every summer as a child to correct his fingers) to add the fluids back to the disk and do some other stuff that I don't remember.
We also received notice that Tim had been layed off due to reduction of force in the company he was working for. At least with him being in the union, they find the jobs for him so he doesn't have to worry about that part. But, he has to get better first.
He can undergo three of these blocks if the first one works. If they don't then he will have to have major back surgery that may or may not work.

We have been in this position money wise and physically, but generally not at the same time. God has blessed us in many, many ways and we keep trusting Him to take care of the next things that arise. "I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread." We know that God will take care of us, just as he has for the past eleven years. I think how amazing it will be to look back on all of this and see just how God has turned it around to our good. When God has said, " who will go for me, to the ends of the earth? " we answer, " Send me! ".
We are learning in a way only God could orchestrate how to Live and Laugh and Love. We are glad to pay it forward, and we will see the blessings we get to give because he has blessed us! Because of his mercy, we have our daughter. Because of how gracious he is, we have our son. We have so much more than so many, and I know this moment of time that will pass too. It is just a grain of sand in the overall scheme of things God can see. He is so much bigger than our problems and although he doesn't put us through trials we are thankful for all that we learn as we go through life. I look forward to the moment that we are in Ireland proclaiming his love as we live for him. I am thankful for all the lives we will reach for him, and the amazing love from my king who died for me.
Thank you for reading this and I also want to thank you and everyone else who comes across our path: we may not know who you are, but we know God sees your prayers for us. We also know he will bless you for every prayer or supplication you give. Thank you and Merry Christmas!!!!!!!

Our Trip to Greenville, SC and the Shriners

2009-11-14T17:21:00.000-08:00

Some of you know about M&M being born with syndactyly/polydactyly as a third generation carrier of the genetic deformity.For those who don't know what that is, it is commonly referred to webbed fingers (or toes) and extra toes (or fingers, or digits). If you want to read our story, you can go to
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/syndactylypolydactylysupportgroup. (I hope that worked!)

Anyway, Shriner's Hospital in Greenville, SC took care of M&M's two surgeries to correct her condition. They completely took care of everything without us paying for anything, from our food, to our hotel, to the medical supplies and medicine we needed. For one surgery we even stayed at the famed McDonald House. They also chauffer us and pay for our food each annual trip for check-ups. They are very generous, giving the kids stuff every stop in the hospital, like X-ray, the cast room, etc. It is very child oriented, having lots of toys for the kids to play with, movies for them to watch, to food in the cafeteria children would like. They also don't let pictures be taken in the hospital to preserve the rights and privacy of the children who could be caught in the background.The best part is, they don't care how minor the case is, or how much money your family makes, they just want to help children have the best in life in the best capacity they can. The hospitals handle most any type of case, but each location specializes in a certain area, like Greenvsille specializes in orthopeadic cases. However, since these annual trips for check-ups are milestones for my little girl, I take pictures when we are in the exam rooms, with no one else in shot range. Guilty, I am! lol

This is M&M drawing on the chalkboard while we waited on the doctor to come. She talked about getting to do this for several days and loves the whole experience, and she was so young when she had her surgeries that she doesn't really remember them. Although, she does know her scars on her fingers and where she had skin grafts on her hips to cover the exposed flesh on her fingers once they were separated. She also knows traits about her fingers and her extra toe, because we decided early on we would be honest and not coddle her about it. If course we are not harsh about it, but we want her to realize she can still live life, that its no one's fault, and anger will get you nowhere but bitter. Her daddy technically could be on disability but he doesn't see himself as handicapped, neither does my MIL. I admire that so much, it makes me want to cry sometimes. In hearing their stories, I don't think I could have coped as well in their shoes. They are both an inspiration to me, honestly.

Okay, sorry about the ooey-gooey moment there. After we were done at the hospital, we were making good time back home, so one of the drivers asked if we had ever been to Mayfield and been through their tour. I said no, that even though we had one back home we had not ever been. So they took us to the one in Georgia.

We thought their Christmas tree was adorable with all the Mayfield products on it.

I thought the topper was quite cute, too!

Then we went through the tour, which my little bit loved. She thought I looked hysterical with the hair net thingy on, especially since all of my hair wouldn't fit in the darn thing. We saw one guy that had the hair net on plus the beard cover on, and I thought M&M was about to fall in the floor laughing! She didn't know she looked just as silly so I took this picture so she could see.

Needless to say that hair net was in the trash very quickly!!!!
Then M&M went for the free chocolate ice cream cone. We are used to going to Brewster's and getting the free kids cone which is a whole lot smaller. This thing had two full scoops on it, so she had plenty of time to come up with funny ways of licking the ice cream.

When we were leaving, I saw this beautiful porch with all these matching rocking chairs, so I just had to take some pictures. Not that I'm biased or anything, but this little girl is too stinkin' cute to not take pictures of her!

I couldn't believe I actually got a picture of her with her "smile dimples"! She only has these little dimples when she smiles her truest smile, which is hard to capture on this busy little five and a half year old. Those blue eyes decided to sparkle, too. Must have been the ice cream!!!!

Sorry for the long post, but there was so much to tell!
Oh, and if you or someone you know has a child that needs medical help with some condition, contact the Shriners'. You won't be sorry you did.

Christmas Presents

2009-11-02T12:54:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to let you all know that I'm taking orders for Christmas presents. You can check out some of the stuff Cutsie Tootsie carries at www.cutsietootsie.blogspot.com . Prices are negotiable!!!!
We have tutus for little girls, dolls, and even dogs (yes, seriously, dogs). And think how cute your little girl would look in your family's favorite team colors on game day!
We also carry lot of different kinds of hair accessories for mom and daughter, or aunt and niece, whatever the case may be. Some of our products are pins, and perfect to put on scarves, hats, purses, jackets, shoes, shirts, etc.
A new item is custom covered travel diaper wipe containers. Who wants the boring white things, have some fun and get one in the colors you like! Orders available, each container costing only $4.00.
There are so many items to see! Let me know if any of you have questions! And please, become a follower of cutsie tootsie on blogspot! Get the word out this little momma is making it happen like a proverbs 31 woman (or at least trying to run that race!) Love you all!

Check out my newest blog!!!!

2009-10-24T19:57:00.000-07:00

Some of you may already know about this, but check out my newest blog! It is called Cutsie Tootsie, a business I created to add a little whimsy to every girl's life.
Check it out at www.cutsietootsie.blogspot.com or the shop on www.etsy.com/cutsietootsietutus.com .We carry a variety of tutus, and do special orders, too. We also do hairbows, crocheted items for the little girl and fun loving woman, plus soon to come items like scarves, gloves, and cotton knit winter hats.
If you have any questions just leave me a comment and you can also check out our page on facebook.

Or you could come out to Old Baker Farm's Cotton Pickin' Celebration (admission is $10 per person and includes a pumpkin that you pick after a hay ride) tomorrow from 9:30am to 5:30pm in Harpersville, Al. We will be in Vincent, Al on November 21st, details to soon follow. Thanks for reading!!!

Want some honey, honey?

2009-09-09T15:03:00.001-07:00

So, my grandfather has a pear tree that always gives more than people can even use, including five, five gallon buckets to one great uncle. So this year, I decided to try my hand at something every generation before me has done for quite some time. I would can them, but of course, if you know me, I have to try something different. I researched some ideas (I didn't want to do pear preserves, since my dad makes it, and makes it really really well) and I came across something called Pear Honey. Now, you might know what this is or you might not. I personally fell into the might not category, but I was intrigued. I love honey on biscuits for breakfast (love a slice of tomato on a biscuit, too but thats another story), so I thought why not give this a try.

Here are the pears in all their glory. I'm not certain what type these are, but it doesn't matter too much when doing something like this. I had one Walmart sack full of these little beauties, which roughly translated into 8 cups of cored, chopped pears.
My other ingredients were:
1 cup of pineapple juice
4 cups of sugar (roughly)
pint or quart jars
rings and lids
large pot or canner

Now to get started I had to peel, core and slice up the pears. I tried putting them in boiling water and dunking them into ice water like you would a tomato or a peach to remove the skins, but it didn't work too well for me. So I just sliced them with a regular vegetable peeler.

And of course, since I have a garden, I saved the remains for my compost heap. I cut off all the bad spots and roughly chopped them, placing them in a bowl with lemon juice or vinegar and salt to keep them from browning. It doesn't matter if they brown, but they look a lot prettier if they don't.
Next, I made a syrup of pineapple juice and sugar, heating it on low until the sugar disolved. And like most everything I do, I provided a comical blunder to my attempt at canning. My daughter was talking to me while I was measuring out what was supposed to be one cup of pinapple juice, thinking after I poured it in the pot I would fix myself a glass to drink since I love pinapple juice. Later on, when the pear/syrup ratio wasn't matching up, I realiazed I had no cup of pineapple juice to drink and had instead poured a second cup of pineapple juice into the pot. Being one to make lemonade out of lemons I instead made a double batch of pear honey!
Here is a picture of what the pears looked like in the syrup before they cooked down.

This is a picture of what they looked like after they cooked down.

While the mixture was cooking, I had run the jars and rings I was to use through the dishwasher and they were still hot when the mixture had cooked down. I had another small sauce pot with the lids for the jars, which once I had brought them near a boil, I placed on the warmer eye on my stovetop to keep them warm. Inside another pot I had a spaghetti strainer with enough water to cover the jars heating up. By the time the mixture had cooked down in the first pot, everything else was ready.
I placed my hot jars on top of a towel covered counter, rings next to them ready for use. Next, I used my jar funnel (yes, they are worth the $1.87 @ walmart) to ladle in the pear honey into each jar. I made sure to leave head space in each jar, before placing the lid onto them. I tightened the rings until they were "finger tightened" and then placed the jars into my pot with the spaghetti strainer. I don't have a canner, so I had to improvise. Since I had read to keep some space between the eye, and the jars, I thought the spaghetti strainer to be the best idea.
I also don't have a jar tong, so I took a regular pair of tongs and wrapped those jar opener gripper things around each tong and used rubber bands to keep them on. This worked just fine for my needs.
Here is what the jars looked like before I placed the lids on and put them in the pot.

In the pot, they were covered with an inch of water above the lids, and heated for fifteen minutes. After the timer went off, I placed the hot jars on the towel I had used earlier and wiped off the excess water, leaving them to cool overnight. Almost immediately, the sound of popping filled my living room, the sound of pleasant accomplishment. I now have seven quarts and four pints to give as Christmas presents, costing me a total of about $1 a piece.

Fun Times!

2009-08-15T07:15:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've posted anything lately. I have lots of pics of the kids but thought I would give some highlights.
In this pic, M&M was chasing her brother and trying to keep him out of her room since she had little toys out in the floor. I managed to grab the camera at just the right time for this hysterical moment.

On a different day we had been having a playdate with friends and after they left and daddy came home, JJ was shirtless after eating a treat. He grabbed his daddy's "cowboy hat" and his horse and then began shouting "Yee-haw!" as he galloped around the house.

Before the shirt came off for the treat, this is what JJ was up to. He just loves pretending to be Daddy!

I've already posted about M&M losing her first tooth, but I took this picture of her before any had come out. We were going to visit my mother so I let her wear makeup and she wanted to know if the eyeshadow turned her eyes blue or green.

This is what she looks like now, with the top left one loose, too. At this rate, she isn't going to have any teeth! At least the bottom one should be in before she looses the top ones...I hope.

Bhurtha anyone?

2009-08-07T21:01:00.000-07:00

My niece came over to help me hang a bunch of clothes for upcoming fall/winter consignments. Her and I have the same taste when it comes to food, so I decided to use the opportunity of non-picky eaters at my table and stuff fresh from the garden to fix an Indian dish; this is Indian as in "India".

We enjoyed the meal so much I thought I would share the recipe. Surin is great to go to, but why not try a little something fun at home?!

ingredients:
1 small eggplant, sliced in slivers (I used ghostbuster eggplant, a white variety)
1/4 c. sliced onion
1 tomato, seeded and sliced into slivers
1 small pepper (I didn't use this ingredient)
curry powder
cumin seasoning
ground coriander seasoning
salt and pepper
nutmeg
1 cinnamon stick
cloves (whole or ground)
1 small carrot, julienned
small bunch of green beans or peas
vegetable or olive oil
half a container of plain or vanilla yogurt
1/2-3/4c. water

In a large skillet, heat oil and add nutmeg, cloves, and cinnamon stick. Continue heating on medium setting, until you can place the butt end of a wooden spoon in the oil and the oil bubbles around the handle (this is a tip chefs use). Remove the cinnamon stick and add onion, carrots, and optional hot pepper. Continue cooking until onions are tender. Reduce heat. Next add cumin, coriander, and curry. After you blend in the spices add the yogurt and water (don't add the water first). Then place beans and tomatoes in mixture and cook for about 15 minutes. Add eggplant and salt and pepper. Increase the heat back to medium and continue cooking until eggplant is translucent. The sauce will darken and the vegetables will become mushy, except for the beans. Once the eggplant is translucent, remove pan from heat and let it rest for several minutes before serving, since this will allow sauce to thicken.

Serve over rice. There are other traditional things to serve with this, but we didn't have any of them. We also cooked some beef strips in a separate pan with olive oil, curry powder, salt, and a sprinkling of sugar.

This dish will serve about four people and takes approx. 1 hour from prep to serve.

The Lost Tooth

2009-07-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

My little girl has finally lost her first tooth! It has taken almost two weeks for it to come out and happened to fall out on a very emotional day as we were preparing to leave for Tim's grandfather's funeral. M&M was a spot of joy that day showing everyone the hole where her tooth had been. I snapped a picture to show just how proud she was.

Close second to childbirth...

2009-06-23T06:57:00.000-07:00

Most of you already know what has been happening to me this past week, but for those of you who don't or happen to find this on some search, I am going to tell my story of an event that is a close second to childbirth.

Ruptured Ovarian Cysts

Even the name sounds horrible!

Before I begin, let me throw out a couple of disclaimers, I am not a physician and if you think that you have symptoms of this then get to the ER or your doctor. Second, I am one of those people that tend to tell everything about myself if I think it could help someone else. There is too much silence about certain issues that so many women deal with!
The symptoms include some of the following,
horrible pain in the right side of the lower abdomen, sometimes spreading to the back, belly button, buttocks, and pelvis.
severe pelvic pressure and/or pain
onset of pain after intercourse or bowel movement
pain before a period or after in the pelvic area
frequent urination and/or inability to empty bladder
signs of anemia
nausea and/or vomitting
if you have mitral valve prolapse, shaking can occur and anemia can be worse
low blood pressure
high blood pressure
heart palpitations

So here is my story:

On Sunday, June 21st, my kids, mother-in-law, husband and myself went to my parents' house to get a few things for my parents since my dad was in the hospital. We fed the dog and gathered up what we needed. By the time we reached the vehicle I was having this stabbing horrible pain in my right side. It came on very suddenly and I thought it was a muscle cramp. I tried not to let it show but my husband in all of his infinite wisdom could tell I was hurting somewhere by my harsh answers to any questions. I had to go back inside for something and when I tried to get it in the back of our vehicle I couldn't lift it because the pain was so, well, painful. Tim came around and put it in the back for me and told me to take some painkillers. I am certain I meekly I obliged.

By the time we reached the hospital to visit my dad and loaded JJ in the stoller I was better. Thought it was a fluke thing. The rest of the day and the next day I was fine.

Fast forward to Tuesday, Tim went to work and I and the kids went about our regular day. Around lunch time, Tim called to say he was headed home because the company he works for had goofed up and not followed protocol so they were being thrown off the jobsite until the right procedures were gone through. When he came home, he and both kids took a nap in their seperate bedrooms. I shouted hurray! and began putting on my gardening clothes to go work out in the yard.

Somewhere in the midst of putting my stuff on, my side started hurting really bad again. I doubled over a few times, since I don't handle pain really well. But, nonetheless, I went outside and tried to convince myself to garden. I made it as far as the kids' swing. It looks just like an adult free standing porch swing on a metal frame with a canopy over it but it is kid size. I somehow lowered myself onto that while trying not to throw up. I had the thought of pushing on to dig a hole to plant my new hostas, but thought better of it. This mental picture came to mind of my husband's uncle or cousin driving their dump truck up the road that runs beside our house and seeing me laid out on the ground unconscious, so I very slowly went back inside.

Immediately, I googled "pain in right abdomen" and came up with appendicitus and kidney stones or gallbladder rupture/stones. All of them said to call the doctor or go the ER. I called my doc's office telling them I had severe pain in my lower right abdomen with nausea and my heart was pounding in my chest. The nurse said, " I don't want to alarm you, Mrs. White, but you need to come in as soon as you can. Don't panic, that will make the pain worse. Just come in as soon as you can and you might end up going to the hospital" Okay, sorry, but alarms started ringing in my head! Panic Panic, who's panicing?

I woke up Tim and told him what was happening. Then I asked him to help me wash off before we left. After he helped me get clean, we woke up the kids, dressed them and headed for the doc's office which is only about three minutes away.

My husband about lost it when I informed the nurse why I was there and she had me write out a check for my last copay, including the amount for the current one before the doctor could see me. Somehow I was calm. The nurse took us to a room and asked questions all the while my two little children sat in shock in chairs staring at me with huge eyes. It felt like a bad movie, but the pain was very real.

The doctor came in and asked me questions. By this time my brain wasn't working too well and I couldn't answer her questions. She asked me what I had to eat for lunch and I remember trying to mentally show her a picture of it from my head, because I couldn't remember what it was called. Very strange.

Anywhoo, they called the paramedics who came and loaded me on the gurney. My children did think that was pretty cool, though. The paramedic then informed my husband that there wasn't much they could do to help me except get me to the hospital because it was abdominal. So he had them load me up in our vehicle for him to take me there himself and forgo the huge bill.

My aunt-in-law, who lives down the street from us, came and got the kids and we took off for the hospital. Of course, there was traffic! It seemed to take forever to get to the hospital, but Tim said I passed out a couple of times and wasn't responsive. We finally reached the ER and Tim had to find a wheelchair for me, while some guy opened the car door and asked me repeatedly if I was okay. Tim said the man thought I was spaced out on drugs! lol I could hear what was going on around me, but I couldn't respond no matter how hard I tried and my thoughts started circling.
Anyway we had to wait for what seemed like hours to finally be called back to a room. My darling husband said one lady was called back before us who was laughing and talking very loudly with some other ladies, even though I was practically comatose and they were supposed to call you back based on severity of cases. My sweet hubby said the lady's only problem was being ugly. He isn't very nice when his loved ones are in pain.

After we were put in a room, the nurse whose name was Tim, lol, checked my vitals, etc. He said the doctor would come and see me, which he did in a few minutes saying they would get a urine sample to rule out kidney stones, a CT scan to check for appendicitus and ovarian cysts, and a blood panel for everything. That was the first mention of the cysts, but I didn't really notice. The nurse then came back and gave me nausea medicine and morphine, which unfortunately caused me to start vomitting. I had it before when my son was delivered by C-section but I didn't have that reaction to it then. After a few trips to the bathroom and the CT scan we went back to the room to await the results. FYI if you ever have to have a CT scan and you have to drink anything for it, don't drink the banana flavor! Ask for the berry or strawberry flavor, it is the only drinkable kind. If you have to have the dye put in your system intravaneously, it will be almost hot as it goes through your system and it will make you feel like you just peed all over yourself!

The doctor came back and said I had two cysts on my right ovary and they appeared to have ruptured which was causing me the pain. Overall, I ended up with three doses of morphine and a female nurse that wanted me to walk out when I was discharged. Another patient found me a wheelchair, thank goodness. With instructions to see my gyn in a few days, we left the hospital at about 8:30pm. We found a 24 hour pharmacy and had my Darvicet and Naproxen prescriptions filled while I drank a Sprite, my first sustenance since lunch. Then we went home for me to crash.

The next several days I was in constant pain, and ended up having to take the Darvicet every two hours to be able to bear it. The second day I felt a little better but the third and fourth were worse by far. The fifth was a little better, but the sixth was full of pain and fatigue. Yesterday,the seventh, began with sharp stabbing pains during the night that lasted until about midafternoon. Since then I have been fine and only taking Tylenol. I also saw my gyn yesterday who did an exam on me, then ordered a vaginal ultrasound, which was not bad at all. After that he informed me that the first cyst was a simple cyst, meaning it had only fluid. The second cyst, the larger one, was a complex cyst, meaning it had stuff like bone and hair in it. Yuck and oh gross! The simple cyst was half the size it had been and the complex cyst was a third the size, a pretty good reduction for only a week's time.

The doctor then told me to keep taking the pain meds as I needed them and expect for the cysts to be gone within another week. If I still have complications I will return for another ultrasound. Also, if I have the symptoms in the future I am to try to go to his office rather than the ER for treatment. Worse case scenario, I might have to have my right ovary removed if the problem persists. No hysterectomy or taking both my ovaries. That was a relief for me to hear! 26 is a little young to go through menopause!

During all of this I have done some research online and found one website that stands out from the rest on the wealth of information. If any of you have questions or want to know the list of symptoms check out
http://www.rupturedovariancyst.com

I know this was a long post, but it was something I had no information about until it happened to me and then I found out about many friends and family who had experienced the same thing.

M&M's 1st VBS

2009-06-12T10:15:00.001-07:00

Camp Edge VBS 2009!

M&M had never been to VBS nor had she been to a class like this other than preschool at church. I wasn't sure how she would handle it all, but she is such a trooper that she trudged on in, embracing it all.

She even made a new friend whose name she could remember, which for her is a feat in of itself.

Here is M&M with her friends and teachers of her class.

Now I wasn't sure what to expect, but had talked to a few people beforehand who had no reservations about the place, but I used to be involved in VBS as a teenager and it was just cheesey stuff from the dollar store. And, it was just crafts and Bible stories. This place had three different ministries for the kids to give to. One of them was donating peanut butter and jelly for a ministry that makes sandwiches for the homeless and less fortunate. The first day I thought a few people would bring small containers if at all, and then this happened: They didn't have enough room on the table to put all the stuff!

This church seemed genuinely concerned with helping others, starting with our children. I know songs and Bible verses, stories, and sayings were taught to the children and they even sent a cd home of 10 songs they did while in VBS. I appreciated this because my stubborn daughter refused to believe she was singing on of the songs incorrectly. Imagine that!
Next are a few pics of the decorations. I didn't know what to expect here, either. But sadly, I guess I did expect unimaginative things or tacky things, but I was blown away by the thought and effort put into what they did.

I am very happy my daughter was able to go to this and go every day. She was not happy this morning when I reminded her it was over. She is already looking forward to next year. Then she will have several to attend because of going into the first grade.
Here is M&M posing for her picture!

When we arrived at home, we traipsed around the yard a bit and found this. In person it is huge! Probably about the size of a slice of bread, but we noticed its shape so M&M requested I take a pic of it. So, this heart shaped mushroom is for her:

I think it is very fitting shape, since she asked Jesus in her heart this week!

New member in God's Kingdom

2009-06-08T17:57:00.000-07:00

My wonderful precious little girl that I love so very dearly accepted Jesus into her heart today!

She went to her very first Vacation Bible School today at the age 5 and one month and one day. On the way home, we were talking about the stories that she heard in VBS and one was about Jesus dying on the cross. She asked a few questions and I answered, praying all the while for wisdom in how to put the message to her simply. She then told me she wanted Jesus to live in her heart and take away all her sins so she could go to heaven. As soon as we got home, I sat down on the couch with her and led her through a simple prayer.

I knew this day was coming very soon, and I believe God was preparing me over the past few months for this moment with my daughter. I thank the Lord I was the one to lead her through this prayer; being a mommy to her is so very special but this is something that is awesome as a Christian and a mommy! My darling, sweet child will forever be a child of God's!

Of course, we have called many family members and I was very quick to FB everyone what had happened. I called my grandfather this evening and told him about it. He had a bad day today and I don't think he could have received any better news. I could hear the tears he choked on and it seemed to be a huge weight off of his shoulders. I thought to myself, if he were to pass away tonight, I know it would be with a smile on his face. If it were the last time I ever spoke to him in this world, it would be the most meaningful conversation we could have had. He remembers so vividly when I gave my life to Jesus at the age of 5, almost exactly this time 21 years ago. He hopes to carry on the legacy of his mother, who prayed everyday for her descendants to be saved until her death in her 90's. Every one of her children, son-in-laws, grandchildren, g'children-in-laws, and almost all of her great grandchildren accepted Christ before her death. What an awesome impact her prayers had! I think those prayers are still working today!

I am so honored to have M as my daughter, so proud to have watched her become a Christian, and so in awe of my God!

A first time for everything....

2009-05-29T19:54:00.000-07:00

So, I have a five year old. My five year old is beautiful, a bit stubborn, very dramatic, and is quite a conversationalist. And she just said her first cuss word.

What did I do? Well, let me tell you!

I was in my bedroom finishing up something and she came in my room all dressed since we were about to go somewhere. She drops something on the floor by accident as we started talking and she said the whopper of all whoppers, " G-D ". Now, we are Christians who don't cuss (well, WE don't but occassionally I let the S word slip in a very hushed whisper). Anyway, we definitely don't say G-D, nor could you pay us enough money to.

To say I was astonished might be understating it a bit, more like flabbergasted, gobsmacked, bowled over, etc. but all at the same time. Thank goodness, my godly parenting skills took over while the rest of me was metephorically on the floor.

I heard myself say, " What? "

The next thing was not a repeat of the word like most would probably do, but a burst of tears from my very young five year old. Compassion kicked in, since I knew she didn't know what she had just said. I explained to her that we did not say that word ever, no matter what, because it was really bad and meant something bad.

The wailing wall in Israel hasn't seen as many tears as I did during this exchange, complete with hyperventilating (coming from her, not me). Very calmly, without any yelling or shouting I told her she wasn't in trouble and I was not going to punish her because she didn't know she was wrong until mommy let her know. In the midst of a boo-hoo, I said, " Honey, it isn't wrong to try new words, that is what helps you get smarter. But you obviously thought that word might not be a good one because you started crying before I even said whether it was or not. Next time, if you think a word might be a bad one, ask. You won't get in trouble for asking, because that is the right way to do it. "

I also let her know that if she ever said the word again she would be in deep trouble because now she knew the word was wrong, and if she didn't stop crying I was going to tickle her until she stopped. Of course, like I mentioned she is dramatic, so I ended up having to tickle her for about five minutes. After a little bit she calmed down, and I loved on her and hugged her telling her I loved her very much and she was very special and nothing she ever said was going to change that. But, I wanted her to use only nice words, not bad words that were ugly.

After she left my room, the realization of what actually transpired hit me and I reeled. To some, it might now be a big deal, but when it is your own precious, innocent child and that comes out of their mouth it can surprise you to say the least. As to where she picked up the word, there are two culprits. One is a very recent movie on tv that decided it wasn't being riveting enough so one of the characters decided to add some spice without any warning. Of course we changed the channel, but not before our little girl's little ears heard it. The second is a culprit of considerable years and a cantankerous humorous dispostion who is my husband's elderly grandfather. Whenever we visit, I hear the term at least once, but he has dementia to a degree and wouldn't remember if you asked him not to say it around the kids. Anyway, one was somewhat controllable but the other is highly unlikely to be controlled.

To sum it up, I survived my child's first cuss word a hundred times better than I coudl have ever imagined, but I know it was not me but the grace of God helping me. Otherwise there would have been yelling and shouting involved on my end and a terrified little five year old on her end. Considering all of us parents will have to deal with this one time or another a friend suggested I share my "fun" adventure so that maybe somebody else could learn something from it. I hope you do learn something, even if it is to laugh at my expense! Have a great and peaceful cuss-free night!

For us who grieve...

2009-05-21T19:30:00.000-07:00

Recently I went to a conference where every woman who had experienced the loss of a child, miscarriage or otherwise, was asked to stand and receive prayer. I was at the BJCC and the bottom half of the place was full of only women, but I was still astounded at how many women stood. Two of the six women in front of me stood, and unfortunately I was included in the overall group. Even though my pain is not fresh and my tears are not so common anymore, it is still a loss.

Between my first and second child, I conceived on the day of my 23rd birthday and lost the pregnancy just as I was suspecting I was pregnant, about six weeks in. It was a horrible, painful miscarriage, made worse by the fact I was on vacation and away from my doctor. By the time I made it to the doctor it was too late to do a DNC, but it took me almost 11 weeks to heal physically. It took me months longer to heal emotionally, even though I had never heard the heartbeat or felt my baby move, that was still my baby. I believe life begins at the moment of conception, and all life is precious. I felt that this precious little life had been stolen from me and I never had a chance to get to know this person who had begun growing inside me. It was almost made worse by the fact I had no grave to go to and console myself; there were no momentos of that life, only a huge aching void.

Over time, I came to terms so to speak, with what I and my husband both lost, even though I had no idea how much it pained him, too. Eventually, I bottled all that pain up and put into a song to express my grief. That was my healing moment.

I still think about the child I lost, and wonder what that child would be like. I also thanked the Lord for his peace and lovingkindness, when exactly a year later to the day, I conceived my son. This is especially wonderous considering that all three times I have conceived I have been on birth control!

Anyway, I decided after about five months of silence, I would not hide my miscarriage anymore. So many women out there have experienced what I did and yet have hidden it as some kind of shame and guilt, like they are responsible for what happened.
I grieve, but I know that Psalm 113:9 says:
He settles the barren woman in her home
as a happy mother of children.
Praise the LORD.
I want women out there to know that even in our darkest hour, in our deepest grief God can. He can heal us, He can lift us up, He can deliver us from shame, He can be our strong tower, He can restore our soul, He can give us a hope of seeing our child(ren) again! So therefore, I share my song in the hope that it helps someone out there heal a little more from the grief so many of us share.

Song of My Heart
Nothing will bring you back to me
but you are a part of me always
We never had the chance to meet
Yet you are never far from me
I will carry you in my heart
and hold precious to
what you would have been

Chorus
Did you ever hear
the song of my heart
beating up against your own
when your song failed
mine wanted to as well
I long to know if heaven rings
with the music of you singing
as it would've here on earth
Oh I hope you had your daddy's smile
and your mamma's blue green eyes

I know you are better off
where you are more so than here
you will never know the pain of life
or carry tears in your eyes
Hurt will never follow after you
and love will be ever by your side
I know you now have only peace
since the angels bore you up
within their wings
and God sang you His lullaby
But I will have missed the most
for never knowing you
Until we meet again

After my husband read these words he told me that he had a dream where a little boy with brown hair and brown eyes hugged him as Tim cried, and told him that he was okay in heaven and that he knew we loved him. My husband also said his name was Noah.

Happy Birthday JJ!

2009-05-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

Happy 2nd Birthday JJ!
As you can see from my post yesterday, we have two birthdays very very close together. But we see it as God's sense of humor, since mine and my husband's are also one day apart. Our life together has been filled with those cute little occurances, but none better than our two children.

JJ was born on this day two years ago, at 7:36pm weighing 4lbs 13oz. and 19 in. long. He was five weeks early, had jaundice as well, and when we brought him home from the hospital he weighed 4lbs. and 1 oz. I have never held any other babies as tiny as my two, and it somehow makes them all the more precious to see a life that shouldn't have made it defy all odds and show the world that God is bigger than circumstances.

Now two years later, no one would ever know that JJ was a preemie. He is above average in weight, height, and vocabulary. He is already using the potty, which took a year longer for his sissy, and he amazes me everyday with his antics and humor. This road has been a short two years, filled with a joy only God can give. When I found out I was having a boy, my first thought was "What am I going to do with a boy?". I wanted another girl, especially since I was comfortable with girls, but God had other plans. When JJ came into my life, I was astonished at how head over heels in love with him I became. With his sissy, it was a sweet, gentle kind of love that was peaceful and lovely. With JJ, it was a kind of giddy, first true love feel. It is hard to explain, but I never thought I could love my children in different ways and love them equally. But I do.

My precious little boy, you are the light of my life. You are my joy in the morning, my cuddles in the evening. " I can hear my children laughing down the hall through my bedroom door...I am blessed. ", is so true. There is nothing sweeter than the sound of your and your sissy's laughter. In your sense of humor, you are so like your daddy and I find it adorable. Even the sight of your pouty lips when things don't go your way, make me laugh and want to cry along with you. I can tell you will influence people as you grow older. You have an ability already to sympathize with people and make them feel like they are the most special people in all the world.

I hope as you grow older you use this ability in the way God would have you, and that you serve him all the days of your life. I honestly think you will have something to do with mechanics of some sort, since you have been figuring out how to take things apart since you were 6 months old. But whatever you do, know that I will always be proud of you, and thankful that you came into my life to show me how fun boys really can be.

Happy Birthday M&M

2009-05-07T17:02:00.000-07:00

Five years ago today, my little tiny M&M came into this world. She weighed only 4lbs and 9oz at 19 in. long. She was my little miracle, a blessing from God, that made it past the 28 week stage no matter what anyone else thought. Even though we had so many complications during my pregnancy and surprises when she was born (severe jaundice and the knowledge of her having syndactyly/polydactyly), I was overjoyed and awed that God gave her to me of all people.

When she was born my dad took a picture and placed it on the door of our room in the hospital. We had nurses come by in droves just to look at her and one grandmother who knocked on our door to see our beautiful baby because she had never seen a newborn that pretty. I thought I was going to scream for all the people saying how tiny she was for the next month! Or the people asking if she was a babydoll, like grown women put those in carseats and take them to walmart!

What a journey we have had in these brief five years!
Sometimes when I hold her in my arms, I wonder how she was ever so small and where my little baby went. I almost hate to know what the next five years hold, but then again I look forward to what my child is going to grow up to be.
She will always be my beautiful little M&M, with gorgeous blue eyes and a smile to melt your heart. And her love for God and Jesus gets me in that "unph" place in my heart. She prayed for the first time by herself recently and I was so amazed at all she packed into that two minute prayer.

M&M, my darling child. I am so happy to be your mother. I know that you will grow into an awesome woman of God and bring mercy into people's lives because they will see it in you and want to have what you have. You are a source of joy for me; I love to watch you dance and hear you sing. I love your stories and the sound of your laugh. I know one day you will be a mother like me, and I look forward to experiencing that day with you. You are everything I prayed you would be and I know by the grace of God you will continue to be all of your days. May the Lord bless you and keep you and may your light shine forth before men all your days. Thank you for coming down from heaven where Jesus rocked you in your cradle and sang you lullabies because you knew mommy and daddy were lonely for you, our baby girl.

M&M & JJ's Birthday Party

2009-05-04T09:37:00.001-07:00

The inevitable has occurred!!! Sniff, Sniff...
Saturday we celebrated M&M and JJ's birthdays with a party. For those of you who don't know, my two blessing are three years and a day apart in age (which is ironic since my hubby and my birthdays are also a day apart), so we celebrate their birthdays at the same time; at least for right now.

The spongebob (or sponbop as JJ says) was JJ's balloon.

M&M had the Tinkerbell balloon which was fitting since Tink is what her room is decorated in.

Because of the storm clouds looming we did an inside craft that is so simple. Just gather stickers, dry erase markers, etc, and balloons letting the kids decorate the balloons. It can also be something the kids can take home with them (and then pop hours later when they get into a balloon fight)

We had an impromptu hula dance from the bigger girls,

Next came presents!

My 14 yr. old niece somehow lit the candles on the scrumptious cupcakes with a match better than her own grandmother has done in years past (family joke).
M&M and JJ blew out their candles (JJ with a little help)

JJ eating his cupcake

M&M eating hers

PeyPey eating hers, yummy!

And of course somebody just had to take a picture of me about to eat one. The cupcakes were delish, to date I have eaten about seven, I think.

My 11 yr. old nephew on the kids' rocking horse while eating his chocolate ice cream. Who says you have to grow up?

My 14 yr. old niece giving me the don't you dare take my picture look; I listened can't you tell.

We started using one of the presents since the weather was a little better. My parents got the kids (and my husband) a bubble machine,which was AWESOME!

M&M popping her quadruple bubble

JJ screaming "BUBBLE" as one came near him.

Chattanooga Trip Day 1

2009-04-29T07:30:00.001-07:00

Thank you in advance for looking at our trip photos. We had so much fun, and of course there are lots more photos than these (like 250 more), so I picked only the best ones to show what all we did.
First of all we left late, not going to say whose fault that was, they are forgiven. We had to stop along the way for shoes because the ones Tim had on rubbed his feet raw. Also, we had borrowed my MIL's car and unlike our SUV, the sun was coming in rather strong on the kids heads. So my hubby improvised:

In case you are wondering, this is glass chalk. You know, when people put for sale or just married on their cars. The kids had so much fun drawing on the windows!

We arrived at the Aquarium at noon, and I was surprised there were not more people there since it was Saturday.

As we were walking up to the member entrance, Tim saw people doing face painting and helped M&M pick out something for herself. Of course, she loved it, and it made her eyes look even prettier.

We went to the seahorse exhibit first since it is usually one of our favorites. M&M reached out to touch one of these kind (sorry, I don't remember the name of this one), and it looks like it is touching her finger. So cute!

JJ trying to figure out why the "phishies" wouldn't come close enough for him to touch.

The Butterfly area was wonderful, and JJ learned how to say "bbrfies". M&M wanted one to land on her, but there were so many people in there it was hard to stay still long enough. This one was larger than the width of both my hands!

At this one M&M said they looked sad and wanted to know why.

At the large tank, every picture I took had this ginormous turtle in it. JJ loved it, but not the sharks. M&M loved the colorful fish, and I and Tim were trying to figure out if the divers were going to survive the shark with only their sticks.

We then went in the underwater cave, which JJ didn't like but M&M pretended to be gasping for breath. She is too funny...

Then we went to Big River Grille and Brewery across the street and then to Ben and Jerry's ice cream. The kids were exhausted but not so much that they couldn't enjoy some ice cream.

After we left the downtown area we went to our cabin in north Georgia. We had a slight problem because I had never received the email asking me for confirmation on our cabin, so they didn't hold it. However, we are thrice returning customers so they gave us the large cabin for a discount. We arrived at the cabin just in time to see someone from the hanggliding place above us. If you are wondering about the plane, they once told my hubby, "If there isn't any wind, we make it"

We also were just in time to watch the sunset over the top of Sand Mountain, directly across from Lookout Mtn. in Georgia. I thought the wraparound porch made it even prettier, but I am a sucker for sunsets anyway.

By the time I got inside our stuff was already unpacked so I didn't take any pictures downstairs, but here is a picture of our room upstairs. It was quite beautiful and the king size bed made for a wonderful sleep.

The only downside was my increasing allergies, but the kids were behaving well and before 8:30pm our time both were asleep. Funny side note: JJ slept in his port-a-crib inside the closet! He likes to be in complete dark with quiet and I knew I would be up for a while and since the closet was the size of our bathroom back home I put the crib in the closet and he slept all night. I did open the door though, after he went to sleep so he could get some air circulation. Too sweet, aren't I?
Anyway, day 2 is continued in the next post. So sorry for the long posts, and thank you again if you have read or even looked this far. I can tell who has the most patience!!!

Chattanooga Trip Day 2

2009-04-28T16:35:00.001-07:00

Here is Day 2 of our weekend trip to Chattanooga, Tn
After we checked out of our wonderful cabin in River Fawn, Ga, we decided to go to the Chattanooga Choo-Choo. However, we did have to wash the car off first and make sure the glass chalk would come off, it did. Then we took the scenic route through Hinkle, Ga (yes, HINKLE) to reach the Choo-Choo. It was a gorgeous ride with a cute little roadside store called, The Hitch N Post, and only took about forty minutes.

I got pictures of Grandma and JJ on the main exhibit, as well as,

a picture of my almost five year old, M&M.

Then after we had been at the Choo-Choo for about two and half hours we went to eat a late lunch at a place called Tony's Pasta Shop and Trattoria. The food was spectacular and the service exceptional, plus the prices were really great, especially since I had a 10% of coupon from the Chattanooga tourist website.
The place is in an area called Bluff View Art District and has beautiful architecture and even better views of the river. Here is a picture of the inside where we were seated.

After leaving with to go boxes and full tummies, we went to Craven's House and Point Park. For those of you not familiar with Craven's House, I would love to share the story in a nutshell since I love history and old houses. The house was built in 1855, by the Cravens, who were first involved in the cotton trade but then went into iron after the cotton trade dissipated. Then the Civil War came, and the Confederates used the house as a lookout point for the opposition. In November of 1863, the Union soldiers advanced in the "Battle Above the Clouds" and took the Cravens house. Later, the house was burnt down all the way to the rock foundation during a Union drunken brawl (those crazy Yankees!). When the Cravens returned after the war, they rebuilt on top of the remaining foundation and added a third story to what was orginally only a two story layout. Adolph Ochs later bought the house and 88acres from the Craven descendents, combining with land he had already purchased, and in 1893 he donated the land to the Chickamauga-Chattanooga National Park. In 1956 the house was renovated and now you can take tours of it during the summer.

Next door is a vacant house that is beautiful as well. On the property line is this shed/cellar built into the side of this huge boulder. Thought it was quite pretty.

JJ enjoyed the porch on the side of the house facing the city. He looks so cute and little on the that long porch!

After Cravens House we went up to Point Park at the top of Lookout Mtn. This is the view from the Ochs Museum.

At the top of the Point we had Grandma take a picture of us four at the cannon. My parents took me here when I was little and we have a picture of us when I was about ten. It is quite nice to see how time can repeat itself. Isn't the view gorgeous?!

We also had our picture taken at another spot I loved as a kid. Tim also had a picture taken here when he was a preteen. I just love this picture at Umbrella Rock!

On the way out of the park, I was taking pictures and noticed how if you stand at the entrance into the park it looks like the eagle is looking at you. It doesn't look too friendly to me!

This is the view outside of the park. It looks like a fortress/castle and M&M started making up stories about a princess trapped in the castle and needing to be rescued by her prince.

We had a great time on our trip, even though we didn't get in bed until after 10:00pm our time. We did pack in a lot in two days, but it was well worth it! I could very easily live in the Lookout Mtn. Georgia area and take daily treks into Chattanooga. Next trip we plan on skipping the Aquarium and the Choo-Choo and spending more time in the Bluff View Art District and at Point Park. Maybe this time we will make it to the Incline before the last train is gone. Overall, we made some very good memories and learned a lot for future trips. Like, take everyone's expectations into account ("the planned to the minute person with no stops" compared to "the the trip is part of the journey and impromptu stopper person") Can you guess which one I am?

How To Make Your Own Laundry Detergent

2009-04-14T07:31:00.001-07:00

Okay, so I am trying to save money however I can, you know: pinch the penny till it screams. I came across making laundry detergent and in our family that washes a load of clothes a day (especially hubby's work clothes) this sounded like a good idea. I also found other cleaning tips that I will share at the end after explaining how I made the laundry detergent.

Recipe:
1/2 bar of Colgate's Octagon All Purpose Soap ($1.30ish per bar)
1 cup of Borax ($4.00ish per box)
1/2 cup of Baking Soda (5o cents per box)
5 gallon bucket with lid (free from husband's work)
Water

~The Borax took me a while to find and I finally found it at Western Supermarket on Rocky Ridge Road in Birmingham, Al. It was about four dollars, I forget the exact amount, though.
~The Octagon soap was also at Western Supermarket and about a $1.30 a bar. The original recipe I came across called for Fels Naptha soap but I could not find that anywhere. Any all purpose soap or even Ivory will work for this, if you can't find anything else.
~The Baking Soda I already had on hand for cleaning my glass top stove. Cost at Walmart is about $0.50. Side note or rabbit trail: Use the recipe for an all purpose cleaner at the bottom and sprinkle baking soda on top of it, it will clean your smooth glass top stoves better than the expensive stuff that smells bad

#1 First step: cut up or grate soap into pieces and place in a pot with approx. 4 cups of water. Heat until pieces dissolve.
The Octagon soap is like a glycerin or cake soap and come to find out is what my great-grandmother and great grandparent-in-laws used to wash their clothes.

*Now I must caution you on the next steps! Take it as user experience or me just being ditsy.
I didn't look back at the directions as I was making this, so I goofed.*
After you cut up half the bar and place it in 4 cups of water to melt,
#2 Second Step: Place the mix in the 5 gallon bucket.
#3 Third Step: Add more water and the cup of Borax, stir.
#4 Fourth Step: Add more water, and the half cup of Baking Soda, stir and more water.
DO NOT add the baking soda to the mix still in the pot or you will have a science experiment on your hands! Can you tell that is what I did?!
It started growing and growing and growing. I had to grab another pot and separate the mix but it kept on growing and bubbling so I ran for the 5 gallon bucket in the laundry area and dumped the whole mix in that. I added water, and after it stopped growing I added the Borax. It caused the mix to gel some and stop the bubbling foam trying to take over. So sorry I didn't get pictures of that, they would have been Internet worthy for sure, but I had other things on my mind at the time. I am sure you understand.

Let the mixture sit for 24 hours in the 5 gallon bucket with the lid on and stir before using. The consistency will be neither a liquid or gel, unless you adjust the amounts of soap and Borax (less making more of a liquid, more making a thicker gel). You can experiment to see what works for you, but a cup of the mixture is enough for a load in the wash for us. Disclaimer: mine turned into more of a liquid because I didn't add the ingredients in the right order, but it still works beautifully. It doesn't sud up like I expected to, but the clothes smell wonderful.
Rest assured these ingredients do really clean clothes, individually as well. These three ingredients will clean your clothes, remove stains, and keep them white.
The cost is nothing compared to what you pay for the more expensive ready made kind and this way you know you are not putting anything toxic on your clothes. I won't go into all the math except to say I was paying about $0.28 cents a load for my detergent, and now I am paying about $0.01 a load. That is a savings of $0.27 a load! If you figure a load approx. a day for us, that is a savings of $98.55 a year!!

Now for my other tips relating to laundry:
~Tip 1 Instead of using the expensive fabric softener which has strong perfume and who knows what else in it, use vinegar. Yes, vinegar! Use the recommended amount for your washing machine in the fabric softener spot. I put four drops of Bath and Body Works Fig and Brown Sugar eccentric oil in mine to give it a nice smell. Just make sure it coincides with the smell of your laundry detergent and use the fabric softener rinse cycle. The clothes do not come out smelling like vinegar but instead smell fresh and clean because vinegar, in its sour content, removes bad smells. For those of you wondering, vinegar is made from the oxidation of ethanol in an alcohol-containing liquid, such as wine, fermented fruit juice, or beer.(source: wisegeek)
The savings you ask? About $73 a year. If you add in making our own laundry detergent then we are up to $171.55 already a year savings.
~ Tip 2 Cut your fabric softener dryer sheets in half and only use half a sheet in a load. We tried only using vinegar sprayed on a washcloth, but we still had static in our clothes. So far, the half sheet has been easy and works just fine. Savings: about $8.oo a year. Maybe that doesn't seem like a lot but you are still getting twice as much for the money.
~ Tip 3 Instead of buying name brand stain removers for clothes, especially for the kids clothes, use dish washing liquid. I use whatever I have on hand, but don't use anything with bleach in it or you will bleach your clothes. Just dab on the spot and put aside until you wash the item. Don't leave for more than a week though, or the soap may stain the stain on the clothes. I consider this one free, because I already have the soap and I don't have to buy any especially for this use.

Other cleaning tips:
~ ALL PURPOSE Cleaner Take a spray bottle and pour in one ounce of vinegar. Fill the bottle with warm water and add one Tablespoon of baking soda to bottle. Do not add baking soda before adding the water to the vinegar or you will have a volcano erupt from the bottle. Add drops of essential oil, like peach or orange, to the bottle for a pleasing scent.
~ STREAK/FOG FREE MIRRORS After cleaning the mirror, rub a little vinegar over the surface with a clean rag. This will keep it streak free and prevent it from fogging during showers. If it starts to streak again, reapply.
~ SPOT CLEANER FOR CARPET This is for if you have a carpet cleaner and have the solution on hand. Take one ounce of the carpet cleaning solution and place in a spray bottle. Fill the bottle with water and spray on spots, letting sit for about five minutes. Rub gently with a clean rag to remove spots.
~ STAINLESS STEEL SINK CLEANER I know it says it is stainless, but I get brown residue on the bottom of my sink. So does everyone I know that has a stainless steel sink. Simply wet the sink and sprinkle baking soda, let it sit for about 15 minutes. Use your dish sponge or scrub pad to scrub away the stains. Then rinse with water. Baking soda will not harm you if ingested and also works as a grit in cleaning dishes.
~ BURNT RESIDUE IN PAN simply sprinkle salt over burnt places and let sit overnight. The salt makes the burnt pieces brittle and easy to break up. If the burnt residue is stubborn, try adding just a little water to it.
~ HOMEMADE TOOTHPASTE Now I don't use this one often, but it does work. Take a baking soda and place a small amount in the bottom of a shallow dish. Add a tiny bit of water and some peroxide. Dip in toothbrush and clean away.

It's Official

2009-04-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

I finally finished making Mercy a pillow case dress! For me to finish something is wonderful and pretty rare, since that seems to be a challenge of mine; example the two closets I have never finished cleaning out or the four sewing projects left to be finished.

I had some trouble with the arm holes not wanting to lay right, but otherwise it was a breeze to make. Instead of putting ribbons that tie, I simply put shoulder straps because for the life of me I can't tie a bow (even though my husband can). She was absolutely thrilled to have it and began "modeling" it.

Mercy just had to wear it to church the next day, but since it was a bit cooler, I put a long sleeve shirt on her underneath it that happened to be the same color as the embroidery trim.

This pillowcase is an orginal and came from my maternal grandmother's house when she passed away about fourteen years ago. I have been saving it for something special, and I think my little M&M is pretty special. However, I did make it a little big so that maybe she can get two seasons wear out of it (M&M has already grown two inches and four pounds since I made this three weeks ago). Since making this one, I made another dress without a pattern and it turned out alright. I will get pictures of her in it and post that one soon. Thanks for looking!

What a Wonderful Snow!

2009-03-01T18:28:00.000-08:00

I know so many of you had wonderful snow today, too! I can say it was wonderful because it doesn't happen that often here and we didn't have to deal with the nasty side of it at all. That being said, I thought I would share what our family did today.
Mercy was spending the night with Grandma because of the marriage conference, but got temporarily snowed in there. We got her back this evening, but we missed all the snow with her. Hear she spent about four hours out in it, though.
Anyway, here is John trying to walk in the snow. His poor little shoes were completely covered. He had been in snow a year ago, but he couldn't walk then and of course he doesn't remember so it was new all over again.

In this picture John was mad that the snow was cold! It was hysterical to hear him saying "Ow! Mommy, cold! Ow!" it was a really cute face, too.

I am learning to take self portraits of me and the kids, otherwise I would never get any of me in them! Especially on days like this, because even though my husband was home, he hates the snow and calls it "evil" so I was on my own! John sure was having fun, I love that grin!

This is the view of half our driveway. If you are wondering what the little snow covered balls are, they are sweetgum balls. Cute, huh?

I love this view, no matter how many times I look at it! I thank God for His glory and the beauty He surrounds us with. If you are ever going over the mountain on Hwy 280 and you see the mountain on the left, we live almost at the top of that. This is the view from our backyard, looking up the remainder of the mountain. Ahhh, gorgeous!

This is my windchime. I don't know if you can tell, but it is encased in snow. Still sounded pretty, though!

A few of my songs...

2009-02-25T18:39:00.000-08:00

Okay this is purely for my benefit...no one feel they have to actually like any of these or even understand them. I have been writing songs for a few years now and thought I might put some of them on here.

January 28, 2006
Who I am
You came to me this evening
in the silence of my reflections
You said I had kept too much too long
What I hold in my heart is not my own
but mine to give, give all to you
How can I, O Lord, How when
this is who I am

Chorus
This is the person I've become
I don't know how to be any other
I know I should lay it down at Your feet
O Lord, show me how
to become what You
would have me be

Can't I keep a little part
The part I count my own
and no others
Why do you ask me to give my all
What of me would you want
It is nothing to You, but all to me
I know that is my answer
The reason You want it all
is to give me all of You
Why do you love me so
I've done nothing for you
but You died for me
Just to give me a life
I don't know how to live
Repeat Chorus twice
...what you would have me be

February 09, 2006
Where Are You?

Where are you in my heart
It seems I can't find you here
In what I have become
You said you would never leave
So you must be somewhere
Hidden in the midst of me
You were once everything
I could ever dream to be
When did I begin to become
Someone I never meant to be

There was a place in time
You consumed all of me
Nothing of what I had been
remained, only who you are
Then little by little everyday
I took a step to walk away
turning from everything
You were to me

Lord show me the way home
What roads must I travel
To return to what I was
Somewhere along the way
I lost sight of how to find you
I didn't mean to turn away
form where you are in me
Help me find the place in my heart
You are now

May 1, 2006
Fill Me

Sing to me a love song, Lord
Hold me in your prescence
I am nothing without you
My very soul calls out your name

Chorus
Saying, Fill me Lord
Fill me with your Spirit
Fill me as I kneel before you
Fill me while I dance for you
Fill me till I can bear no more

Please come consume me
Take me in your arms
Give me all that you are
Wrap your cleaning fire
around me never letting go
I want to be nothing that I am
and everything You are
Drown me in your love song

Chorus Repeat

Let me overflow with you
leaving nothing of this man
Make me new again
Only white as snow
Stained with Holy blood
Marked by your great Lamb
Oh Lord sing to me
Sing to me a love song

Chorus Repeat
Drown me in your love song

My newest scrapbook

2009-02-24T19:09:00.001-08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Some fun I had!

2009-02-18T08:12:00.000-08:00

I recently made this for my cousin-in-law's baby shower. It was so much fun to make! Sure I am the crafty sort of person and like working with this kind of thing. I love to create and I am the type person that if I see something my brain automatically disassembles it and figures out how it is made. This can be quite irritating at times, I don't actually care how the sinks in the church bathroom are put together, but for the most part it is quite neat when making things like this.
I saw one of these diaper cakes at the Shrimp Festival in Orange Beach last October and wanted to do one for both of my cousin-in-laws who are having girls. The thing I like about it is the ribbon is actually scrapbook ribbon and every decoration can be used in a scrapbook or photo album. In the inside of the top layer are three outfits rolled up, or you can just put more diapers in there. I used all kinds of samples and travel size things and a mini photo album, too. The teddy bear blanket had a little girl's hairbow on it, too.

The only bad thing is that the picture doesn't do it justice, it actually kind of looks like a blob. I should have taken the picture before I put the wrapper on it.
There were two packages of size 2 diapers
two rolls of scrapbooks ribbon
two lengths of regular ribbon
two pair of ruffled socks
one pair of cute girl shoes
one travel pack of Johnson and Johnson products
one teddy bear snugly blanket
three complete outfits
three lotion/wipes packs
two girly pacifiers
one mini photo album
various scrapbook accessories
one pooh bear bottle to hold up the teddy bear
one package of scrapbooking dots
glue I already had
paper clips to hold the inner section together tighter
rubber bands
cardboard circle
one jumbo wrapper from Michael's
So much fun, I have decided I will offer to sell them for other people for baby showers! For cost, and a two tiered cake like the one pictured, it would be $35. A one tier cake I could probably do for about $20. A three tier would be $50.

In the Moment

2009-02-12T19:16:00.000-08:00

It has been one of those days where I have seen God in so many moments. Hearing from friends I don't get to talk to very often, to making plans with new ones, to witnessing His beauty in new ways. Even in seeing one wonderful woman fight to live with every fiber of her being. She said a couple of years ago that death for her would be victory, but living is victory. There is no devil inbetween for a Christian. Being reminded of her saying that today, became a moment for me. What if we lived our lives by that? What if we lived like we had the victory?
There are so many simple ways for us to see God. The money He helps us to save at the grocery store, to our daughter being so excited to have brownies for dessert tonight that she at 4 and half, declared " They're all mine" in this cute little, unsarcastic voice that made us laugh. For me, I feel the appreciation for those moments God gives us by beauty around me and music. That is one reason why I am so in awe that God has been teaching me to write music, cause Lord knows I couldn't sing it. But I love music and I love to see the lay of the land. When I am driving I constantly look around me to see beautiful buildings or landscape. So in saying that I wanted to share a picture of something M&M and I saw last week. Took my breath away, literally since it was frickin' cold!

This way not five minutes from our house and covered this huge expanse of cliff face that you can't even see in the pictures. The height of the icicles in the first picture would have still been taller than me if I had stood on top of my SUV. There was water running underneath the icicles and they were cracking and splitting with me just standing there. The sound of Your voice, to be more beautiful than the sound of what I heard that day...
Oh, I am fearfully and wonderfully made!

My wonderful Life

2009-02-12T18:25:00.001-08:00

My mother who loves life no matter how tough it is to live

My crazy father, pretending to be an Indian

Me at the beginning of my road to learn the guitar. I know a whole four chords!

The Love of my life, Tim

J-J and his sock monkey

My Christmas Reindeer J-J

My Christmas Reindeer M&M

M&M showing her dress twirl on Christmas Day

Little M&M at Christmas, except she is not so little anymore

Cry of My Heart

2009-01-27T19:29:00.000-08:00

The title in itself is an amazing statement. Where to go from there...There is so much I want to say, yet I don't know quite the words to express them. Note to self, second amazing statement! I almost feel like I am at that time in a pregnancy (no I am not pregnant) when you have such a promise of what is to come and you yearn to see your baby and hold your baby, and breath in the smell of your baby, yet you have so long to wait. You know the time is coming, but that is almost more of a burden than a promise. The yearning is at times painful and at times joyous because you have a hope of what is to come, too. That hope reminds you it is there when you feel your baby kick or hear the heartbeat or see your baby move on an ultrasound.

In some ways, I think that the desires God put in our hearts are almost like pregnancies. You desire something so strongly that it hurts to not have it, your arms ache to hold it. There are even times you almost forget the desire is even there. Forget for a moment why you are even doing what you're doing, sacrificing what you are sacrificing. But then, God stirs up that desire. He makes that desire move inside your heart, lets you hear its heartbeat, or see some part you didn't know about before.

Right now that is where I am. I have known since I was a young child what I wanted to do with my life. I remember at one point in my "tweens" begging God to give me talent. I felt like I didn't have any. Well Eph 3:20 is alive and well, baby! God answered me, actually had already answered me because I had talents I had not even recognized and now I have more than I have time to use. But, I never suffered from a common ailment among men and women, I never wondered what God wanted me to do with my life.

First and foremost I wanted to meet a Godly man that I respected and admired and loved with all my heart. I wanted a man who would give to me the way Christ gives to the Church. Boy, did I get that! (Thanks, God, for giving me my husband) Then I wanted to have children. Got that! Even if it wasn't in my timing, He knew.
Then I wanted to be in ministry. I wanted to teach Christians how to be Christians, how to walk daily in Him. I wanted to build God centered orphanages that children found hope in, I wanted to bring Christ to Ireland where it rarely is anymore. I wanted to plant churches so that the poor and fatherless and widowed and orphans would have places to worship God. I wanted to build houses for the poor, make things for those who had nothing. Teach basic skills of clothe making, cooking, cleaning, gardening, etc. Oh, the list goes on and on and on. The older I get the more I want to do for Him and the less time I feel I have to accomplish it.

Yet, in all this time, those things felt like they were almost a life time away. I was at point A and those things were like point Q-Z. I obviously have accomplished some of them, well not I but Christ through me: married a wonderful Godly man, have an awe inspiring daughter and a joy bringing son. Then I began to wonder what is the next step. I know I am in a church I am supposed to be, and my husband agrees. Sometimes we wonder if where we had been hindered us to getting where we needed to be. But the past is past and it looks like those hinderances are being paid for now by those that caused them. Regardless, what step is to be next on my path?

Well, these past few months I have felt like God has been showing me more on how to get from here to where I want to be. I have had questions, like how does my song writing fit into all of this? Music is constantly swimming in my head, but why? Why can I make things that others like, such as purses, etc.? Why am I a good cook? Why this burning desire to accomplish more in my lifetime than most accomplish in three or more? I am always hearing that verse in my head, without a vision the people perish. Well, if it went on to say, and the more dreams and visions you have the longer you will live, then I would never die because the dreams just keep coming. I have in past few months discovered the desire to go to China and help further the underground church there. Whew, wouldn't have believed that one a few years ago!

God has also led Tim to apply for a position in our church. Don't know what will come of it, but God said to do it, and he did. Then tonight I met by chance the wife of the pastor over the area Tim had applied for a position in. God appointments. Then on the way home, God just dropped on me the reasoning behind something I have wondered about for quite a while.

Backtrack, slightly, so this will be understood. Several years ago, Tim and I tried to move to Gadsden. It didn't work out. Then we tried to move there again a year or two later. We thought that time we would. Had an appartment picked out and everything, and then poof! back to Birmingham we came because of Tim's job. But, we still loved Gadsden and loved the people that we met and things we found to do there. Yet, we stayed in Birmingham and moved on with our lives. That desire to be there has never quite gone away.

We knew that to accomplish what we want to for God we would have to one day move away from Birmingham but knew not when that day would come. Still don't, if truth be told. However, I think we are getting there.

Now back to present day. On the way home tonight God showed me that a seed had been planted in us to love Gadsden and want her people to know God. The harvest is plenty but the laborers are few, kind of thing. He said that the seed is growing, and that is why the desire was so strong to go there and bring to fruition what had been planted in us. Now, I know that a move is being made by our church to plant a campus for our church in Gadsden, and I am assuming that is part of it. Now, God said to me that this seed of desire for His people will come to bear fruit in due season. Of course I don't know the season, nor am I concerned about that part. But, I am making ready. If we don't need it or use it, I am selling it and we are getting out of debt before this year is over. We are also becoming responsible with our money. We tell it where to go before it goes. Somewhere along the way this year, we are going to be outrageously blessed. I don't know when, I don't know how, but I know He will.

By the end of this year, we could be living in Gadsden and Tim could be working at the new Gadsden campus. Or we could still be where we are, continueing to do what God wants here. Either way, I am a little closer to knowing the next step on this race to the finish, and I know that we are running a good race for Christ. I know that by the end of this all, there are those out there that will be blessed of God because we have chosen that we will be a bless-ing.

A Journal Entry

2009-01-12T17:44:00.000-08:00

I have decided to do something new for 2009 for myself more than anything. On here I am going to keep a Blessing Journal. It will be where I post whenever I, or Tim and I have blessed someone. It isn't to get approval from anyone who reads this, but for at the end of the year me to be able to look back and see just what all we were able to do.

Sometimes it is so easy to get discouraged by circumstances, but with us looking for ways to bless others then the opportunities will be more obvious. Also, on a down day I can look back and see that I really am changing lives, even if it is just in little ways.

I am going to regress a little and list the things I've already done this year that I can remember.

December 31st, took Lauren a meal for her and her family as she had just had her second baby. He was just so cute! God I want another one!

January 6th, gave a waitress a tip that was 45% of our bill instead of the normal 20%. Both mine and Tim's grandfathers would have croaked, and I would have even given more but it was all the cash I had. She was so sweet and caring!

January 9th, took Misty (Tim's cousin) a meal for her and her husband who just had their first child, a boy. I got to hold him for a little while and he reminded me so much of my own little boy at that age, but just bigger! God I want another one! This might get dangerous, we have two more people about to give birth that we are family to and two that are friends of mine having their own later this month. It is a good thing my IUC lasts for three more years or I would be tempted to pray my pills didn't work again! Ha, I think babies cause insanity.

January 10th, took my cousin a bunch of good toys for her little girl to play with. The child had no really good toys and my children have enough to fill several homes besides the four they are already scattered in. I also gave her some bloomers that read Birthday Girl on them for Pey-Pey to wear later this month on her birthday.

Okay, I think that is it so far. But it already makes me feel good for making a difference and showing God's love.

So Many Blessings

2008-12-28T18:55:00.001-08:00

If I believed in Santa, I would think that he came over our house about four times in the week leading up to Christmas and dumped sleigh fulls of presents into our house! But, I know that it was the bountiful blessings of God. I am beginning to think that next year Tim and I won't have to buy any presents for the kids, since they get so many from everyone else. Not to mention that half of the presents from us came from a barter night I had with a small group I participated in a few weeks ago.

I started being a good and dutiful wife and mother by making lists of who gave what presents to us or the kids but by Christmas Eve, there was no keeping up with it anymore. We drive a smaller SUV and we had to unload it three times between Christmas Eve morning and Christmas Day. We literally had a path through our house to get from one end to the other! Tomorrow I am hiring my neice to help me go through all the toys and decide what to let the kids play with now and what to pack up for three or so months from now. My children both have birthdays in May so it works out well to pack up half their presents at Christmas and birthday time and then unpack the box every three months. That way they have continuous presents and don't get tired or overwhelmed by what they do have.

Wow, I still can't get over how much the children got! Not to mention us. I got a brand new guitar, a diamond necklace and earring set, a pearl necklace and earring set, a willow tree figuring I have been wanting, clothes, pots and other kitchen stuff I needed, and the list goes on. Goodness, just so wonderful how God is to us.

Now I am looking forward to the new year. I am ready to attack all obstacles in our way and begin a great, wonderful year to bring help to those in need and to be diligent doers of what God has instructed us to do. I want to be a resourceful steward who did the best that could be done with what I have, not a miserly servant who hid the one talent he was given. Onward to the new year!

Christmas is Near

2008-12-22T20:09:00.000-08:00

Wow! It is so hard to believe that Christmas is just days away. I did finish my shopping, before all the total mayhem thank goodness! It took me two days to wrap everything. I think this next year I will buy and wrap when I know something is for a specific someone. I believe I figured out that if we put aside twenty dollars a month then we will have enough money for everyone's Christmas presents. That is including inflation, too. I can buy every month or all starting in October. Whatever the case needs to be. Of course, Christmas isn't all about presents. No. And, this year I have learned just how much it is about hope.

These past few months I felt like I was at the end of the rope when it came to the amount of hope I had left. God surely knew this and Pastor Chris began doing a series on it. Completely changed my way of thinking on hope. The world thinks hope is wishing for something. Like I hope I win the lottery. Hope is something they do, but for Christians, hope is something they have. Also, Christians know their hope is in Christ. Psalm 71:14 But as for me, I will always have hope; I will praise you more and more.

That is so amazing and comforting and heart lightening. Hope is not some deep, mystical wisp of air that we can never grasp hold of. Yes, it does provide the substance for faith, as it is said in Hebrews 11:1 Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.

I have also learned that sometimes hope means looking at what you need to accomplish in life. I had a wish list a mile long of all the things I wanted to do in this life. Building my ark went from truly spiritual, Godly things I was hoping for and basing my faith on, to wishful thinking. I hoped for my wonderful husband long before I knew him. I thank God for that hope He instilled in me, that I was worthy of never divorcing and having someone faithful to me and our marriage bed. Yet, somewhere along the way the number of houses I wanted ended up on that list, too. What material things I wanted to possess and recognition I wanted to receive.

These past two weeks, God has showed me that my life is about how can I make a difference while I am on this earth. Not what acclaim can I receive or what recognition, but what can I do that the light of God shines through me to all men. I changed my heart and felt so humbled. Not in a bad way either, but in a way that made me feel like a thousand ton weight had been lifted off of me and that I was free to accomplish what I truly wanted to. Jesus did say Come to me those of you who are heavy laden and I will give you rest. My yoke is easy and my burden is light.

I started writing down all the things that I truly had a hope for and was amazed at the things that came out. Even things I had forgotten about. I wrote down that I wanted to start a new and revolutionary type of orphange in Russia. When I did, I suddenly remembered being still a child and telling my mother that I wanted to do just that when I got older. That I wanted to make a place that was home to them, a place where they didn't have to be sad anymore. Mother said to me that orphanges were not good places, and that children were never happy to be there because they were sad places. That steeled my resolve to make a place were they could be happy, regardless of what people think. Orphanage is such a bad word, but it doesn't have to be a bad place. Not with God involved. But I had forgotten about this hope in the pursuit of things to make me momentarily happy.

In retrospect it seems rather selfish and petty, which it was. It is amazing what hope can unveil in your life. Such a simple word that we take such advantage of in our society, yet something that changes lives everyday. Think if the cancer survivor had never had hope, or the mother with a preemie baby, or the soldier injured in battle. All those lives that would have been forfeit without hope. And Jesus is our blessed hope. Titus 2:13 says, ...while we wait for the blessed hope- the glorious appearing of our great God and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night of blessed hope!

Mercy's Ballet Recital

2008-12-19T11:49:00.000-08:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

2008-11-26T14:24:00.001-08:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

You Lied Lyrics

2008-11-19T07:33:00.000-08:00

Here are the lyrics to a song I wrote on the 16th of this month:

You Lied

I'm lying here alone

listening to the rain

fallin' on my windowpane

Wondering when

did it all end

Were there signs

I couldn't see

How is this all

happening to me

It's been six weeks

since you chose to leave

Said you didn't love

me like you did before

Were gonna go explore

see if there was more

than I ever gave you

Then you walked out the door

ripped my heart from my chest

Now there's nothin' left

So,...

Chorus

I cried

you'll never know it

I cried

I'll never show it

You lied

said we'd be forever

You lied

said always together

What am I gonna do?

How can I go on?

Will I love again?

repeat chorus

Will I love again?

How can I go on?

What am I gonna do?

I'm lying here alone

listening to the rain

fallin' on my windowpane

Dreading the next 4 years

2008-11-05T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well, it happened. Eight years ago, when I voted in my very first election I would have never seen this coming. Yet, in the past four years I knew something was going to change and not be for the better. I am not saying the Barack Obama is a horrible person, nor is he necessarily the AntiChrist or anything like that. I think that he is human and his faith, whatever faith he has, is misplaced. The only place that it should be is in God. That is what has kept our county in the forefront all these years, its dedication to the Most High.

I dread the change that will happen in the next four years. Some of the change will be even more far fetched than that, since in some cases it takes so long for new laws and amendments to take effect. By the time the next election comes about will I be able to homeschool John who will be entering kindergarten at that time, will I be able to continue homeschooling Mercy? Or will I be forced to let someone else teach my children about things I have no control over?
Will abortion be even more legalized than it already is? Will gay marriage and parenting be considered the norm by mainstream media and the average citizen? Will "evangelical Christian" be a term of contempt and a mockery of all it was meant to be? Will I be able to worship the way that I choose to worship God, and my savior, Jesus Christ?

Even with all the questions I have about the future I do know that my God is the same yesterday, today, and forever more regardless of how time itself changes things around me. I do know that He said that who the Son sets free is free indeed and Jesus set me free twenty one years ago when I gave my heart to him. I also know that God said he would complete the work that he began in me and I am by golly not done yet; I haven't even gotten started good. He said that no weapon formed against me would prosper and that every tongue that rises against me in judgement I shall condemn. He said that his face shines upon me and shows me peace. Right now that is what I want the most. Peace.

In the midst of everything going on around me, whether it be one falling beside me or ten thousand at my right hand, it will not come near me. Only with my eyes will I look and see the reward of the wicked. The Most High is my habitation, there nothing can come against me. Lord, in the years to come help me to remember that. Help me to know this too shall pass. And most of all, help this nation that has entered into a dark time because of bad choices and turning their backs on you. Give us mercy and grace in this time of need and forgive this country as a whole, for we surely need it.

Frustrations of Life

2008-10-23T06:17:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot has happened since the last time I wrote, not nearly enough time or room to put it all down. However, I am seeing myself with a whole new light. It has been a really bright light that shows more than I wanted it to, all the haughtiness and self righteousness that I didn't realize was there.
After having a heart felt repentance session with God last night I am turning over a new leaf. Actually I am turning my focus from me myself and I to the world as a whole. Yes, I have issues(no comment needed there!) and I tend to see the world from my point of view down the wrong end of the telescope. Everything seems so far away from me, not effecting me in the slightest. However, I should be seeing everyone else's point of view with a magnifying glass and do what I can through Christ to fix it.

What would happen if every one of us stopped looking at how things effect us and started seeing how they effect everyone else? Instead of seeing what kind of money I can save for myself, see how much money I can save in the grocery store line to have more to give. What if instead of being the first to grab that penny on the ground, I give it to the first person I meet? What if I let the person pulling out of the parking lot get in front of me, instead of making them get behind me? And, the gut wrenching one for me: what if instead of trying to have the last word and be right when my husband and I have a disagreement, I say "Yes, honey, you are right. Please forgive my bad attitude and my words of disrespect. "Like I said, whole new perspective.
Just please Lord, help me do it.

Here Goes Nothin

2008-07-11T19:14:00.000-07:00

Alright here goes my attempt at blogging. Let's see how far I get. Anyone up for bets? Wager lots on the side of me not making it a month! Ha. Where do I place my bid?
For those of you who wonder about the name, A Tink Life, well it comes from my husband calling me Tink as in Tinkerbell with an attitude. You know, live life by the drama and stick your tongue out at the world but shed a little pixie dust to make everything alright at the end of the day kind of Tink.
Anyway, the reason I started this is I have been thinking alot lately about what kind of legacy I am leaving in this world. Sure I have great dreams and plans and ideas, but if no one ever knows them then what kind of realization is it ever going to get. Look at Da Vinci, what if he had never written all of his ideas down? Lord, knows I am not that kind of artist, but I am one in my own right.
I want my kids to know who I am, what went on inside my head when they were growing up (how much will shrinks charge them I wonder?). I want them to know what I thought about them and where I want them to end up when they are 25. I want people to see my for who I am, and see Christ through me. Let the light of God shine through me to all men. And, Lord, let it be a good light.