Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Surgery-Goodbye Tata

Parting is such sweet sorrow! I recently let go of my nursing bras I had been holding onto for that proverbial "when and if" we have another, because it became startlingly clear that I will not ever get that chance. Cancer sucks! I enjoyed getting to nurse my two children, especially the whole year with my son; it was a truly beautiful bonding experience. People keep telling me to focus on the positive, and I think that for the majority I do. However, there is a major grieving process in cancer as any self-respecting cancer survivor will admit to. And I had to take that moment to grieve.

Now I'm taking a moment again. This time it is to say "Goodbye". Tomorrow is my 2nd mastectomy. A year ago I had my first mastectomy, a complete one including two lymph nodes. The one tomorrow will be a skin saving one, with no lymph nodes. It is not prophylactic, though, because I not only had the 6 cm mass in the left breast, I also had a 2 cm mass in the right breast. So, to prevent the cancer from returning I have to say goodbye to my last tata!

It is so strange to have a part of yourself removed. I had never thought of mastectomies as amputations before, but really they are. There is a lot of stuff removed when "breast tissue" is taken out! Hence my inability to nurse a child again, because I won't have any milk ducts to produce milk. If this is too much info for some of you, I apologize. I don't mean to offend anyone, but I just spent the day parading around in front of doctors and a mastectomy garment fitter, so I've had to let go of some of the modesty and the "we don't talk about that kind of stuff" attitude. I had no idea what I was getting into when the words "cancer" was uttered into my life, and I know there are lots of women out there just like I was, so I'm not holding back. Plus I'm venting, so allow this girl some room and no hate mail!

Anyhoo, I've got about a six week recovery on light stuff, and I know about a year before I can be touched in the chest area without wincing. However, I'm having reconstruction in six months, so I've had just come to terms with the fact that I'm not only going to never see my "rack" bwahaha! in the mirror again, I'm also not going to sleep on my stomach or be without some added pain for the next year or so.

This is just telling it how it is. I'm sure in a couple of days I'll be my sunshiney self again. I'm sure the pain meds will help that part. I will try to post an update on how things went before the six months are up where I have reconstruction. I know it is cliche', but everyone, yourself and myself included, need to thank the Lord for every part of our body we have, even the ones we view as insignificant, because all those parts are special and there is no part that was not formed by God's hand.

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